It might be because it's late, but I feel pessimistic. I'm afraid there is no solution to my situation. As much as I think my W was wrong to leave, as much as I think our problems were vanilla and minor, she left anyway. I can spend all my evenings spinning and rationalizing that she made a mistake, on her side she's patting herself on the back for making a courageous move to take back the control of her life and find happiness. It's something she long deserved and she needs to put those awful years with this awful man (me) behind her. Onwards and forward! All the fun I imagine for us, if she were to come back, she doesn't see or believe. Or she'll think it would be a nice couple of months, but nothing lasting (people don't change), so it's not worth undoing the efforts she made in the last month. She just furnished an apartment, appliances and all. She's not looking back. Really, she most likely can't see our separation as a bad idea.
Of course, I'm now the victim, the guy who cries a dozen times a day, who's full of remorse and love, who's sensitive and self-aware, who's working on himself, who needs constant support to keep it together. Of course, she's now the immature WAW who didn't see the chance she had, who walked away from H and kids without giving them a chance. BUT she left at a point where I was the bad guy in her eyes, the H who made her life miserable with the constant criticism and the fights, and she packaged that idea and looks at it regularly to find resolve. She gets support from her network telling her she's done the right thing.
Sometimes, this all feels like a way of spending time until I reach acceptance...
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
