His memory about the past is situationally correct but it has this evil, dark, sinister, shadowy cast to it all. It makes me sick to my stomach. Is that how I was?
That's HIS narrative. It's not the "truth". Holding THIS narrative in his head helps him justify leaving you. Complicating that narrative means acting in ways that make him go "hmmm... wait, a sec.... that's not how I remember her being. What's going on? She doesn't seem so bad now... why am I giving her up again?" He will TEST you. Don't take the bait! Be the best possible you, no matter how weird and frustrating he is, or how angry or sad you are.
Do you have a mantra? Get one! When you see him, smile, and think to yourself, "La la la, I am so awesome... and YOU, my friend, are a foolto leave me! Gotta run, off to GAL with my awesome self!"
You live in LA? Hmm, probably not many divorced moms there, oh well. (Haha). Find some! Go to a meetup! I agree, it's tough to listen to married friends talk about their H's (I actually have a harder time listening to them complain. I like hearing happy stories!) Plus, they don't really know what to say. But, I'll tell you, most of my D friends don't really get DB either.
So, we talk about other stuff. That also helps me detach. This situation doesn't have to define or consume you, at least not in public. Go out, have fun, be a fun, normal person, and then come home and sob if you need to. Eventually (I promise), there will be more genuine fun, and less sobbing.
I've been at it a year. Has DB worked for me? Well, I'm still not divorced, and I am SO MUCH MORE at peace with myself. So, yeah, it's working. Maybe not exactly how I pictured, but who am I to say what's "supposed" to happen.
Make an appointment to talk to Chuck!
Holy cow. I gotta get to bed. (still working on that...) ((hugs))
