Eric... her opinion, is like yours... an opinion.... I didn't say I was following it (although my IC would agree to some of her points... as long as I found a way to value myself).
Like I said, I am going more on the base of how Matt suggested. .... "I want him in my life IF he wants the same thing that I do<<<< and because of feeling like this, I keep the door open...
but, at the same time if he is not willing to give me what I need, I will have no problem going elsewhere for it." <<<< I will come to this decision IF I do not see continual progress from him. At this time, I guess I still see it as progress (pool time, dates, drinks, hang out, dinners, his place, t-giving, offer for getaway) <<< these are things he has done.... without my lead.
I need him to lead! Leading shows me HIS invested interest.
Many of you see this as crumbs, at times... I do too. <<<< for this I THANK YOU!
Eric & others, let me ask... would you agree that I could go... IF... I hold my value, not have expectations, HAVE FUN, do things on MY terms AND reserve myself enough to test him in return.... Recall, I am interviewing him, as well. Fyi, he isn't passing with flying colours yet... I know this!
Eric... "having never really lost me"...you make a valid point... I am scared to test this.. not for his reaction, but for mine. It makes me mad, that it takes losing someone to realize what you have.
Claire... actually, the opposite... you think that I am fearing him walking away for good? not at all! I do feel that if I had enough balls/guts that I could toss him to the curb and within a short time, he would be sooooo sorry. However, I just don't have the strength/will/guts to do that. I don't want to HAVE to do that, to get his response. However, you are ABSOLUTELY right when you state "He doesn't seem ready to commit to you in a meaningful way, but likes you and the physical relationship enough to keep stringing you along since you allow it." ... ugh!
So, with that realized.... I do not want to be strung along... I want control of myself. Therefore I will do things on my terms... words like "we will see & maybe" come out of my mouth more often. & will continue!
This is where it gets fuzzy for me... my terms obviously are wishy washy and I come across as game playing. Yes, I enjoy any and all time with him so it is hard for me to pull back and harder to cut him off. Geez, I'm typically so easy going that I would enjoy organizing his paper clips just to be with him (as long as he was treating me right). So, I have a new list of things that I need to do... social list, activities, time spent with parents, DD, errands, etc.. his name is at the bottom. He needs to not be first anymore. If I am not his priority, then he should not be mine.
Claire... I love how you put the last post. Especially suggesting that other men would treat me like gold (this would be nice, thank you)... your point suggesting that things may not be right & needing to step away could be accurate. This is why I am "seeing how it goes" to ensure I get what I want TOO. I will not commit back to him either until I see him make permanent changes too. He just assumes that I am desperate to get back... I'm sure my responses/reactions show this too. I don't know how to be different, without it appearing as games. If I didn't agree to going away, it would have looked fake from me at this point anyway.
Yes, I have said he is "trying" and is "changing"... he is not changed yet. You are also right, I am still focused on it all too much. Hmmm... still not healthy. I agree we are not on the same page anymore. At some point I will determine if it is enough... at this time, it is what it is (and I am trying to just accept THAT for now)... As you said, if it is not... pull back <<< I do this a little even now. Trying to hold off a bit..(I see myself doing this more within a few months). I am working towards accepting this! Thanks for pointing it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ OH.. tonight he made a comment to our friendly associate that "MM used to like X about him" and I was quick and said "if XBf would work a little harder, he may just impress me again to get X from me". He smirked, impressed with my quick witty comment. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, tomorrow morning starts our journey. I will hold the context of VALUING MYSELF, reservation, and FUN (all while interviewing him secretly without putting pressure or a damper on our time out). He better be on his best behaviour!!
Last edited by makingmagic; 10/17/1412:31 AM.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
