Need help. Scared, confused pt 2

[Jefe]

…was this really the FIRST time she said something like this? Really?

If not, then I tend to think these words were thrown at you more for effect. “NOTICE ME!” More than “I want a divorce.”

You said she is a lasher and this text was sent after an argument. I’ll bet you yelled before she lashed. And she lashed very effectively. She sent you a really mean text and unfriended you on FB. Ouch. This is why I take the words less seriously than if it was said during a counseling session.

However make no mistake. I still take her threats seriously. The #1 problem with lashers is they don’t know when to stop and they don’t know how to “let it go.” So you have to shut it down. And by “shut it down” I mean you have to take control and stop the escalation.

Hope, I have done much more thinking about this since I first answered.

With the exception of one particular instance I have been met with something like this after each negative interaction.
When she moved out back in Aug, she was still wearing her wedding ring until our first big fight about the "incident" a week or two later. The next time I saw her, no ring. Another 2 weeks later the next big argument about the "incident" she pulled completely away and stopped talking about reconciliation and stopped letting me physically touch her. Another week later, another dumb a$$ comment by me got the first hateful divorce threat. By this time tensions are high and the relationship is getting very strained. She changed her relationship status on FB about 3 weeks after the threat. I don't recall a specific incident that sparked it, but at this point she is in full fog and anything I do have become hostile. That was Oct 2 or 3, the last divorce threat was made last weekend after a huge mistake on my part of opening my stupid mouth, again. So yes, they are all tied.

Your description of her (lashers) is uncanny. I just kind of made the word/description up but you have it pegged. The only other thing you didn't mention was that they tend to find it difficult if not impossible to say they're sorry or make amends.

Then here we are today and shes calling about the job she got and we're talking more during the day in the last couple of weeks than we were before the separation.