I know precisely how you feel. I really do. The last time I blew up at my H 2 or 3 weeks ago, my having felt ready to walk a few years ago was one of the things I threw at him. So I really know a lot about how you feel.
Will he ever see marriage as a team effort? I have no idea. I don't know that for my sitch either. I hope so.
He did give you a lot of information about his state of mind, though. Somebody else better qualified will come and talk to you about the details. I will say: he has given you context for how friendly he's been, and he's given you more information than he may realize about where his head is.
Your current project now is to double down on the detaching and to find something wild & crazy to do to make you feel more like yourself. I wish we were allowed to post books that make good supplemental reading to DR, but find the ones that are self-help, not relationship books, and learn about detachment and boundaries. Get used to thinking of him as a distant cousin (I know how hard this is with shared finances and young child, but do your best).
Time is your best ally here. Somebody said enough time has to pass for them to forget what the old R was like. And maybe you (and I) do too. This afternoon I was thinking of something frustrating my H did that I hadn't yet mentioned. Now that I think about it... What's the point of that? It's just a barrier to a good R. If we reconcile and it's still important I can address it in the future.
Your sitch is much fresher than you realize. I wish I could rush it for you but it's best not to.
YOU WILL BE WELL. Believe it.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
