my chance = HIS chance

[makingmagic]

Thx everyone for your comments.

First of all, I have accepted that he was a cheap LOOOOONG ago. Using business as an opportunity to get away is something that MANY business owners do, and we have not for a few years. He is wanting to take advantage of this again. Neither of us have been on any type of get away since before our BD. I am ok with this part.

Sandi ~ you are correct when you suggested that it did not make me feel special in the way he presented it to me. Apparantly, I am to read between the lines as it was OBVIOUS to him what his designs are. "some" work, nice dinner or casual dinner in our room, hang out, tv time, breakfast & country drive. I can assume "some" sex is implied too. However, getting laid? I dunno. Realistically, he doesn't need to go away for me to do that. He could attempt that here at home, and he has not. We fool around to a point, we take turns pleasuring each other. We have not had full sex. Its like we are both not going there.... for now. Maybe thats a commitment??

No he does not need to make a commitment with me to go away, but I do require some understanding if this was intended to be somewhat romantic. Recall, he has gotten EXTREMELY lazy in this area. YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD... yes, he is VERY frightened that I will run with this. He has mentioned this in the past. I know its a genuine fear of his.... PLEASE EXPAND HERE !!! What is the way past this feeling?

I agree... maybe it does make me feel cheap. I agree he needs to man up ALOT and make me feel truly WANTED. Yes, I can tell he does feel that way and right to the point of wanting to be living with me again (sometimes)... but he's chicken! I don't know what I am doing that he still feels like this.

ABSOLUTELY Right on again!!! BINGO... I cannot force him into anything anymore (I think he felt forced in our prev. relationship). Besides, I don't want to force him anymore... I want to know HE wants it all too. This new Xbf, will not be cornered or boxed into ANYTHING he doesn't want to do, he is very clear with that. When I have tried, he says I am wrecking the natural flow of things.

I don't understand what you mean when you say:

"You may wish you could put enough pressure on him that he would at least make you feel you were valuable enough that he won't let a "label" scare him down. I mean, seriously! I believe if you told him "no", he would say "Okay then, cheers!" and be gone on his own. Now, it may cause him to consider that MM has really changed and he needs to get a different game plan, IDK. " <<<<< can you explain again??

As for the tax write off comments... refer to my initial comments. I accept that he is cheap & this is an opportunity for us to get away. Period. He is a non-stop work aholic, always thinking ahead. He is the type of person who would stop at the bank on his way to his own funeral or wedding. His cheap and lazy way to offer a getaway is not suggesting that he does not want some quality time with me... to test & check out before he commits to a Miami business trip....LOL.

I too believe that IF I hold out for what I want, he would give it... eventually. I just can't seem to push it to that point.

As for him getting laid... that is OFF the table!! As mentioned we are not "there" anyway! We would not require a getaway to enable it either..... besides, I am no longer PMS'ing !!! So... thats that! I imagine it will be more of the same fool around, enjoy each others company, but now we can sleep in the same bed for a night bonus.

I AGREE... he is not clear because he does not want me to make more out of it.... but, whats so wrong with clarity & defining what we are? Why is this such an issue for him?

My friend suggested: That I am never going to be happy because I cannot accept taking it step by step and seeing how things go. He is offering what he is offering and I want more, not even considering how he feels at all.....(HMMM). He cannot reassure me if he is not sure himself, thats just him being honest. Lets see where this leads? nothing wrong with that. She thinks his approach is fair considering we have been apart for awhile. If it was a new relationship, new man.. would I want the same reassurances (NO)? She said that if I did, the guy would run for fear of being smothered......she has a point!!

I know he is not a new guy.... but he is scared much like you are in the beginning. We have been apart for a long time. Obviously a reason for the breakup in the first place. We are BOTH rebuilding, he is being cautious. Small steps at a time.

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I can see what she is suggesting.... I also see what the posters on the site say too... I do want to value myself MORE. I do not want to accept crumbs. I do want to see his part as baby steps/effort.

ITs a fine line. Tough call.

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I have to run... more to comment later.