I just don't know how I'm supposed to wait for someone to realize they can't have what they're asking.
The thing that is hitting me really hard is that the way he feels right now is precisely how I felt two years ago and TOLD HIM and he did NOTHING. NOTHING!!!!! I just shrugged and said, I don't know what to do.
I feel like his perspective is skewed. Is there no catharsis in working with someone to repair something? Will that not help him at all?! Sure, maybe not now but eventually? It would help me to be able to know that I can lean on him, rely on him, be vulnerable with him, build something strong with him. Is that not helpful to him? I know he doesn't trust it now, I get that but what about down the road?
I'm afraid, guys.
Im afraid that all the things he's going to say and do during this separation are going to make me hate him. I'm afraid that the separation, the part that's supposed to help us heal, is going to kill us. I can't pick up these pieces all alone.
I know he has healing to do. I get that. I don't want to take that away from him. I don't. I need that time, too. Lots of it.
Maybell, will he ever be want to give me something? Will he ever see marriage as a team effort?
I hurt so much. My heart just aches. My stomach hurts and I can't stop crying because how do you find common ground with expectations of a miracle?
