Wife in denied but ongoing affair, what to do???

[blndsid]

Last night she had asked "for my thoughts" about going with coworkers to a bar on Thursday night. I told her she was an adult and could do what she wants, regardless of my thoughts. This ticked her off and then she said she text a coworker and they weren't going anymore, to forget about it.

I had been with her on the last co-worker trip, 4 weeks ago, and it involved the same bar. We were together but one of us had to get the boys from her mother. To show what a good dad I am, I offered to picked them up and put them to bed so she could stay with coworkers (OM wasn't there, of course). I left at 8, told her if she stayed to 10, home at 10:30, that was fair (she's sort of self grounded herself because of the affair that she ended, thus she asked for "my thoughts" this time). She ended up getting home at 12:30, pretty well loaded. Her phone died about 10:30, convenient.

So at bedtime last night I brought it up. Told her that last time we had agreed on a time to be home and she ignored me and did what she was going to do. I told her I realized I'd done things to cause her to lose all respect for me, and that is understandable. I proceed to tell her that she is going to do whatever she is going to do and I can't do anything about it. I can only change me, and work with the boys, and that is what I'm doing. I'm changing me. W will have to change herself.

She said she'd noticed changes around the house but that it was going to take her more time to work on things. I repeated what I said before, I can only change me, you are going to do whatever it is you want to do. I have accepted that.

This morning she sent an odd text regarding how I implied she doesn't work when at the office, but I graciously apologized if she misread something I said last night. She also changed her pw to one of my snooping methods, which is for the best (it notified me of the change on my phone for some reason, I didn't check it). I don't need that during next week when W and OM will be at a 6 day conference together.

I was not in a good mood when she got home last night as I figured I had to go back to my previous routine. No kissing or ILY's. I let her hug me this morning, but I wasn't going to go to her. I could tell she was quite bothered by my 180 last night and this morning. I assume I have no option but to revert back to what I was doing, even though I said nothing specific about my distance or change in affection last night.

GAL, Let It Go. PMA. I know, but it's tough today. Getting better as the day goes by though.