Trying to stay patient- part 6

[Card29]

Don't forget, she was in a fog during that year. She was possessed by an alien. Etc. She didn't do anything productive for herself other than maybe learning that OM was a fantasy R.

You're, what, 9 months into DBing? And you're still working on things. You still have a long way to go. You realized a long time ago that this is a LONG road, for you as an individual and for you M, if it is to be reconciled. She is just stepping foot onto that path. She is 9 months behind you. And on top of that, it almost sounds like she WANTS to be in love with you but is feeling guilt/remorse/despair/anxiety that she doesn't feel that way. If it ever comes up in conversation again, remind her of the "rebuild" rule: For every year you're together doing something wrong (in this case sustaining love), it takes that many months of doing it right before you are healed. So if she's waiting for a switch to flip, she'll be waiting forever. Life-long, fulfilling M is hard work, not magic. But it sounds like your best path right now, as suggested by vets, is to go dark as the night and GAL.

When I pray for my WAW, I don't pray that she magically loves me. I pray that she realizes she has lots of things to work on within herself, that she finds the best resources to help her, and that she begins working on them. If you don't believe in prayer, then replace the word pray with "desire" or "wish" or whatever. But I find it encouraging that your W appears to at least be start that walk. Most WAS's seem to come out of their fog more disoriented or misguided than ever, or they are entrenched in their old ways and are doomed to repeat history.

I wish you the best Tarheel, and I'll continue to listen to any updates you share with us.