Wife in denied but ongoing affair, what to do???

[shodan]

Blndsid

My situation is very similar to your situation. W is in A, I have the evidence but she denies it. She has been much "warmer" over the past two months which has caused me from time to time to think she has ended it. But I have found evidence more recently to the contrary. I think she is waffling and not sure what to do. Or perhaps the guilt of ending her M for the A is causing her to rethink her position. Your W is probably in the same boat. Being nice to you allows her to take the A underground AND keep you in limbo. No need for her to make a decision if both the OM and you are in play.

The advice given to me has been the obvious ones from DB:
- detach, detach, detach
- GAL...it helps with detaching
- STFU...don't talk about the R; she knows you know about the A, she knows that you ideally want to work on your M, so no need to say this again.
- Focus on you...what improvements can you make? How can you make yourself better? How can you be the husband only a fool would leave?

How will you know when she ended the A? She will tell you.

As mentioned already, my W refuses to admit to the A. My DB coach believes that once my W admits to the A, she knows she will need to end it. Therefore, by denying it, she can pretend that everyone is still in the dark. Perhaps your W has the same "logic".

Further, when you spur her advances, don't say "as long as the OM is in the picture, we are not doing this." That will just cause her to get angry and spew hatred and more lies. "Fake a headache", say you are not in the mood/tired, switch positions in bed when she wants to snuggle (but not in an abrupt, d*ckish way), etc.

As Starsky has said to me, why would your W end it when she has two men meeting her physical and emotional needs?