standing for me

[Ahoy]

Slept great last night and woke up feeling RELIEVED not to be with H anymore. Not to worry on his behalf about all his stresses. Not to have to listen to his rambling stories. Not to have to listen to his endless gripes about life and work when he has it SO GOOD!

I am looking forward to having positive people in my life, whether friends or partners. I am looking forward to moving on. I am embracing the happiness that ALREADY EXISTS inside of me. My joy of life, my love for my friends and family, my ability to serve others and the community. Pursuing the meaningful things in life.

Got two books on divorce/dissolution process in my state from the library. Didn't care a bit what the librarian must have been thinking.

I know studying up on D process is not DB. I'm supposed to stall and let him do all the work to see if he really wants it.

But I'm starting to realize that maybe I want this, for my own sanity. The closure is helpful for me.

Maybe after the D we will reconnect, but I don't really see the need to be legally wed.

My younger sister, who is in a committed relationship, doesn't believe in marriage. (She and her partner don't like the whole "government involvement" aspect in their relationship.)

I don't know what I believe anymore. I don't want to have a legally binding contract to compel someone to stay attached to me. I want to be with someone who chooses me every day, over and over. Maybe that person exists, maybe not.

But for now, I choose myself.