Yeah, I know that lesbians have R issues too--at least the ones I know. At least the aruguments would be in the same language though!
Wolfie has lots of great qualities, but he does have issues with holding resentments, projecting, and accountability in general.
When he told me about this thing he was doing about letting us all know where he is all the time--I had a feeling it was going to go sideways. He makes out like he's doing this huge thing-- even though we have always had a standard in our household of being considerate about such things with each other. It's not a matter of asking permission--but of consideration.
However, I expressly told him that he doesn't have to feel required to tell me he's going from one store to another while he's in town. I have never acted like he needs my permission to go do anything or kept tabs on him or interrogated him about his whereabouts--ever.
I knew as soon as he said that he was going to do this thing as "amends" and so that we could all feel "safe and secure about him" that he was going to start building up a resentment about it and taking it out on me--even though I never asked him to do it in the first place!
Quite honestly, I think that he just doesn't want any more repeats of the "XOW sighting" the kids thought they had when they said they thought they had seen him with her in his car. It's about self-protection not about amends.
To me, it's just more passive-agressive games and I don't like being given a "gift" then being told how much he resents giving the "gift" and playing martyr about the whole thing.
Even though he's grown a great deal over the last year, he can still be very passive agressive and self-centered. I'm not cutting him down--just being realistic about what I see.
He doesn't want to be reminded in any way that he screwed up, even if that means ignoring my feelings and keeping our R stuck in some unhealthy places. He doesn't want to deal with his guilt because it is too humbling. If he feels discomfort, he believes that it is because I am "making" him feel that way and so...that makes it all my "fault".
I can know all this and know that I love him despite his imperfections and dysfunctions. That doesn't mean I won't stand up for myself if he plays passive-agressive mind games.
I can deal with a lot of things--but this threatening to abandon us as emotional blackmail is a deal breaker for me. Last time has to be the last time.
