Wife in denied but ongoing affair, what to do???

[blndsid]

So regarding my shortcomings, when I first heard them in the first session talking to pastor, they seemed fair enough. After reflecting on them it appeared to me to be selective memory or just seeing the negative side of the situation.

To begin with:

The previous job that caused me to work late and often miss dinner with the family was one I'd taken with the idea that my W could then stay at home with kids, as SHE wanted it. We planned our life/budget around the idea of one income, including the house purchase, so she had the choice to stay home. I was hired to become the general manager after a few years, and so I worked like that. One day in early 2013 boss came to me and said he was ready to hand the Co. over to me as GM, however, he said his GM would not be someone who stayed home with sick kids, that my wife should be doing that. Other comments were made along those lines, that I was his to use 24/7. I had one week to consider.

W and I discussed. She no longer wanted to stay home and, honestly, had gotten raises since then that put her within $2000 or so of what I would be making as GM. We decided I should decline since I already missed too much with the kids. I told her, if I turn down the position you must understand he could let me go right there that day. So I go in, tell him I don't want the position anymore.

At the time he kept me on in sales, but it was downhill from there. Talking to some of the long term guys in the warehouse they explained his preferred method was to make life miserable so the employee would quit, to avoid paying unemployment or severance. Eventually we came to an agreement that I'd leave to do my own thing. He suggested December, I said October. So I did choose to leave earlier than possible, but in the end he told me to leave at the end of August and paid me through October. I was done there regardless, so I didn't see it as quitting.

One thing I did take away from the couple times we were together for counseling was the idea that "perception is reality". Even if I look (or looked) at all my issues and could explain them here logically, that doesn't mean that's how she "perceived" the issues at the time, or even now. Apparently that can be dangerous.