advice needed - please help

[stacey9]

Thanks rppfl for the hugs. I am feeling a little numb this evening. Hopefully will have a better day tomorrow.

And thank you too mr bond for the wise words.

[stacey9]

I am feeling very emotional today. I think its the significance of the key. In July when I first saw him with the OW, I was so angry I told him I thought it was time he handed his key back. He was very angry and ranted about being good for paying the mortgage etc etc. I just didn't like the thought of him coming into the house when we weren't in, or worse showing the OW his family home.

Anyway he never gave me the key and I didn't mention it again. Seeing it yesterday placed on the sofa just seems so final. Also, it was 19 years to the day since we first moved into the house. Spooky.

Why did I even mention the key in the first place? Sometimes I do the silliest things. Its hardly keeping the road home paved and smooth to ask for it back is it?.

Everything is such a mess. He wants a D, the lawyers are involved and I am beside myself with worry. Can I afford to keep the house? Will we have all the upheaval and stress of D and moving home?

I've also been thinking a lot about the way I treated him during 2013 when everything first went wrong. I showed him no affection and acted as if I couldn't care less about him. I just wanted to act the same as he was acting to see how he like it. It was the worse thing to do. If only, if only, if only....

At least things cannot possibly get any worse.

[Georgiabelle]

Stacey,

I'm so sorry you are in a difficult place. Please remember that when this all started, you really did the best you could with the tools you had. We can't change the past and only learn and modify our behavior going forward.

It sukks. Yes, I know it does. And I can tell you are in pain and I certainly can't gloss over that. However, you seems like a smart, kind lady who has the capabilities of forging forward and making a wonderful life for yourself. Is it with your h? No one knows. However, I do know you can't put your life on hold.

Be kind to yourself and do something fun this weekend. Worrying about "what ifs" won't solve one thing. :-)

[bdub]

Hang in there stacey.

Try not to beat yourself up about the past. It's over, there is nothing you can do now. Keep working on making you a better person.

[SunnyB]

Stacey, it seems that several of us are struggling today, more so than other days. Hang in there, we will all be OK.

[Maybell]

Hm, the stars must be in a bad alignment or something, I'm where you are today too.

All we can do is keep on walking the path we're on with the grace and support we've gained since we got here.

[stacey9]

Thank you so much GB, bdub, rppfl and maybell for you kind words. It means so much.

I am really struggling with the rejection. After a lifetime of knowing my h, being with him, sharing everything it has went to absolutely nothing. Zero. He does not want to chat anymore, he does not want to touch me, have a coffee with me, in fact I get the impression he'd rather I wasn't at home when he came to see the kids. When he came round yesterday and we briefly discussed an issue with S18 I could see a flash of annoyance on his face when I spoke to him.

When we were together there were several fun, chatty emails sent back and forth between us while we were at work, and usually a phone call at lunch time, then always a long chat about our day in the evening. I so miss that.

Could it be because he is the one who has started the legal process he is feeling slightly guilty? I am so tempted to touch his face or arm when I see him I have to take a step back.

It feels so much better being able to write this down. And GB I have got fun things planned for the weekend - today I am catching up with friends, eating tapas and sipping Rioja. Perfect!

[stacey9]

Just an update- the legal separation process has begun.....after 22 years of marriage it is all now in the hands of our lawyers.

Went to a hospital appt on Monday with s18 and found myself sitting directly across from h in the consultants room. He looks so incredibly attractive I just wanted to touch his face, ruffle his hair and tell him I still love him so much.

I don't want to be divorced.

[stacey9]

When will this ever get easier? Every time I think I've got this and I'm doing okay something else happens and it just hurts so much.

The facts are
1 H is still with the OW
2 H has been to a L to start the legal separation process (splitting the finances)
3 H said ultimately he wants a divorce
4 He has shown no interest in me, my life or my well-being.

So really I know deep down he has totally, 100% moved on....

And I am trying so hard to detach - no snooping, GAL, trying to maintain a PMA.

S18 told me today his Dad asked if he would like to meet his 'friend'. He said no. H said that was okay. This stings.

I also heard he has taken OW to an annual sporting event which is traditionally an all guys thing. And they appeared to be so happy. He seems to be so much in love. That stings too.

When will this stop? Will there ever really come a time when I couldn't care less about what he does?

[Maybell]

Yes. But you have to decide to make that happen.

Hugs! Have you run lately?