Healing or Stuck?

[cruiserrg]

Tal,

I totally understand, I feel that my W doesn't always understand how much of a struggle it is for me. Luckily she is more in touch with emotions than a man would be so it helps. I don't know if WAS ever learn or understand the full extent of what we went through to get hem back or even the daily struggle of feeling good about the decisions we made, especially when they exibit behavior of the type before and during the sep.

The short lesh thing is also a struggle with me and my W. I have always filled her in on what I am doing, I have always respected her that way. She doesn't return to me the same courtisies. She still goes on about needing space and freedom, which I do give her, my only request is that she let me know what she's doing and to do so freely without me having to ask. I think she sometimes resents it, but its just plain respect. That's all we ask right? Its not hard, and they well know that if we didn't they'd be pissed. Don't feel bad about this, its something anyone would do.

At this point, I think it will be very ifficult to feel safe about talking to him about anything that I feel vulnerable about, but I really need to let him know that if he tries to bully me with that "shut up or I'm leaving" stuff---it will be the last time he threatens that again because I will tell him to leave and to his surprise, I will NOT be tracking him down to beg him to come home and try again.

I personally don't know how I would have handled it myself. I am an honest person and have been a bit more upfront about things. I did tell my W at one time during a recent R talk, that I have given so much to get where I am now, that if she left again, I wouldn't do this again. Not sure if its true but I believe it. I also have been able to tell her that my fear currently is that I could be a WAS if my needs are met enough by her. In fact last night she said she feels like she is losing me each day. It was her talking out of guilt, but now I know she understands this more. (I'll detail more when I update my sitch).

These feelings are normal. I fear every day that my W is someone I don't want to be with. I haven't told her specifically this, but eluded to above. My fear of her not changing things that are deal breakers to me...takes me to crazymaker land sometimes and I need to deal with this at some point. I am hoping we can discuss together to heal through this as well.

In fact I was talking with a buddy last night about just this thing, and I even mentioned that these few fears and concerns may be things I can learn to overlook. So maybe I am starting to deal with it.

Sorry for all the crazy ramblings...doubt it helps much, exept to know we are out her with those same thoughts and fears. I have learned to start looking beyond my anger to what lies beneth which is usually fear. Once I get there and reconize the emotion of anger for what it is (in my case usually fear), I can usually work on it with IC.

Take care, and I hope the fact your H acknowledges it was wrong will at least keep the threat from surfacing for a long time, if not forever.