Gogofo - Piecing with the W

[gogofo]

What can you do to show(not tell) her that you are truly committed to the new you?

Listen to her and respect her and what she tells me she wants. She asked me to move out, I will move out again. She even said that she was going to move my stuff on Friday if I were still in the mountains.

I could also keep up with my self esteem and working on myself personally. I need to show her more affection.

I was reading "If he only knew" and realized where a big part of our issues is the bedroom is stemming from. She needed to make that loving emotional connection before we were physically intimate. I tried using sex to create that connection. Wrong.

One of the backslides we had was from sex. We were laying in bed talking and I was holding her while we talked and we both were enjoying it. She then started talking about her body honestly with the physical changes from child birth. I "thought" what would make her feel better was to know she was still sexually attractive so I put on a big show and we had sex and I kept changing it up and not listening to her and it just turned out bad. Maybe some of the worst sex we had, ever, no emotion in it at the end.

She told me she felt like a prostitute, that her opinion or feelings did not matter, that the cuddling and nice talk was just to get what I wanted. She said she feels like a commodity, that I only do things for my personal gain. She even expressed frustration when she wants quickies that I turn it into a big production, once again not listening to what she wants.

So that issue turned into a talk the next night where she revealed this to me. During the conversation I had been wanting to ask her what I had read in other books which was "what can I do to help you feel more in love." BIG MISTAKE. I take the question as being open and loving, she took it as "tell me the magic formula." She responded in tears and said "just work on you."

She was also uneasy that evening as she had sent me a text message with a diamond ring and a picture of it on her finger. We were joking around and I felt comfortable and said "geeze we have only been living together two weeks." She said this put it in perspective to her and would have upset her, but with the bad sex interaction it all came together as a big hurt.

So this spiraled down into me moving out again and her fearful feelings coming up.

I am having the same feelings of "how will she notice my changes if we are not together", but I know that she will.

What I really feel like doing is showing her the card she wrote and listing all of the great times and feelings and "I love you"s we shared. But I know this is just motivated out of fear and disappointment in the back slide.

If I did this it would not be listening and understanding and honoring and respecting her feelings, which she needs from me and I want to give her.

I know we can be great together and I know she felt this too, she just has to realize it herself. I know I cannot "make" her come to this conclusion on her own.

She also asked me last night if I wanted her? I asked for clarification and she asked if I wanted her or was just scared to move on, etc. I told her I thought about this and she gave me reasons to leave, we both did. But I know what I want and what I want is her and I to have a better relationship. She seemed to listen to me when I talked about us which was nice.

I think she needs a break to clear her head as she is stressed out with her schedule, she even showed it to me. It feels like she does not have time to put in the effort to "try" right now. The thought of her getting used to life without an "us" still scares me as it is my goal.