So, here's a question. Since my detachment, while improved, still stinks...how have many of you fixed the "cycle." Mine, according to my W, is 3 days...Day 1: amicable, Day 2: quiet, Day 3: Hostile quiet (Body language.)
Alternately, are there any amongst you who stay on a trend for several days, followed by several days of something else?
This is more for the community than anything else. I suspect that my shorter encounters with W will largely negate this problem post-D.
Last edited by Shakspr; 10/16/1403:52 AM.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
You're anything but dumb, Shake. If anything, you're human. Let it roll off your back. You're not a robot and you are doing a great job. We're all due a few mistakes.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Dang! I posted on your old thread! I didn't see the new one!
If you haven't fixed the cycle yet, then join the club. None of us have it mastered. If we did, we'd be writing the books. I figure progress in the right direction is good. Better than what we had before!
Every day, a little better. Every now and then, a couple of steps backward. Sometimes we fall flat on our face. As long as we get up and keep slugging away at it.
And I would not consider your W's estimation of you as having any kind of value in it. Her judgment is pretty damn bad right now. At least, that's what I've noticed.
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R
Yeah, why is it hold great store in this stinking view of our spouse?
Their judgement stinks, their choices suck and mine is incapable of saying anything he thinks out loud. It comes out completely different or opposite in meaning.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Alternately, are there any amongst you who stay on a trend for several days, followed by several days of something else?
This is more for the community than anything else. I suspect that my shorter encounters with W will largely negate this problem post-D.
Shakespr, I think you will find that indeed, once you are having shorter (and probably more predictable encounters) with W, this will improve, or at least lenghthen into a longer cycle.
I'm pretty even on days that I don't commuicate with H (which is most of them), I feel pretty mellow and concentrate on the practical aspects of the separation (finances and the logistical nightmare of running kids around to various activities now that I'm solo). Yes, I do get tense right before our weekly encounter, and I would venture to guess that those around me notice. Thankfully - it doesn't last long. I guess once I conquer it, I will be farther down the line on the detachment train
I definitely have a cycle, but now that I've noticed it I'm trying to be more intentional about things. It's getting better. Not being around him definitely makes it easier.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Maybell, rali, thanks for chiming in. I think I got the answers I was looking for - and expected, really. Again, there's no magic bullet. Anyone else feel free to join the convo. Also, check out my previous thread for DB'n post-D, post-sep tips from my coach.
Maybell...I like your word "intentional." It is so hard to wake up hurting, make a conscious decision to love someone who doesn't love you back and act accordingly. I really look at myself in the mirror every morning now, and not just to shave. It reminds me who I am. That there is dignity in standing for marriage when your W wants out. That the pain and grief have value, if only to ourselves. And it reminds me to give those things to God. I can't change them, but he is happy to take them away.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
