Zues, you posted this originally on Lostluv's thread but I didn't want to hijack it.

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As for future Rs, it's ok to feel that way. First off, being a little jaded and cynical is easy, like when a woman smiles at you and you think 'I know where that leads, stay away!' But its not a spot to live. It's just a sign you have more growth ahead. Once you truly understand you STBX's feelings and failings you'll find it's easier to be compassionate and accepting rather than hurt and victimized.


In my situation I'm not so much worried about being victimized. It's more like I'm just not all that interested in another relationship. Maybe that'll change, maybe it wont.

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And, funny thing- ill post on my sitch later, but there is a chance I may have to take the kids at some point and be a full time single dad. That would mean working all during the week, and having the kids every minute I'm not at work. Wouldn't leave much time for dating or hobbies! In fact, being a dad might be the only thing I'd be doing for 15 years. That would jus end up being the bulk of my life.


I'm already at this stage right now. I have my girls 99% of the time and I'm thankful that I do. WILL NOT bring another woman into their life right now of in the foreseeable near future. These kids have enough to deal with at the moment.

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That's not what I wanted. I wanted a M. But that's what I may get. And if it is...ill find joy in it. Who says I have to be married to enjoy life? Again, no sour grapes here, I am standing by my M to the end. But it would be ungrateful for me not to enjoy what God has given me simply because my W wanted out. The human spirit is extremely resilient if we let ourselves be open to the joy all around us.


This is where my main struggle is. I don't want to drag my kids between 2 or more houses. I don't want to split our family, especially during holidays and special events, into her family and my family. I hate this. So many people are affected by this, including OM's family.

OK, I'm done stomping my feet like a child.

You seem to have such a great and centered attitude about it that I just wanted to post over here and see if I could absorb some of it.

Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3