Newcomer With Hope

[Little]

The friend that had canceled ended up canceling on me, so we went out to dinner. I was very glad for the distraction.

I had to text the boyfriend about an important piece of postal mail that was delivered to the old address and asked him to put it in the garage so I could pick it up . I tried to keep it logistics-only but he tried to get friendly and wanted me to send him a picture form an event I'm attending this weekend.

At that point, I shut him down. I told him that I didn't want to be friends with him. I said that I wasn't trying to be mean or dig into him, but we had two vastly different points of view as far as our relationship and our breakup is concerned. I respect and accept his point of view, but he refused to acknowledge that I had a side and he hurt me deeply, too. I told him I love him intensely and consider him my soul mate, and want to repair and rebuild our relationship with a clean slate, only looking at the past to know what needs to be
addressed and fixed, on the other hand, is done with me in a romantic sense and is moving on. The only one that stands to get hurt from this if we continue to interact as friends is me.

He said, "Okay, that [censored]." No crap, you think? Take a walk in my shoes. LOL

My response was to tell him that we can give each other space and time and revisit this in the future, but being in his life as a friend and yet wanting more was going to be too much to handle.

He said, "Okay, if you change your mind let me know."

NOW I GO BACK TO BEING DARK and hoping I don't have to contact him again. I feel better and this has allowed me to detach because I made this call, not him. Before it was him telling me what was happening. Now I'm telling him where I am, standing up for myself, and making choices for me.

I'm still upset and shattered about this whole sitch, of course, but the ball is in his court. He knows where to find me, although I'm not holding my breath.