I am feeling the distance with xh. Maybe I am accepting that he is happy and really committed to this new life. At first, I thought that he had made an impulsive decision and that he would quickly regret it. Well... I don't know either way. But, I guess for my own sanity, I have to realize that he may truly be happy. Honestly, I don't know how he could be. He did tell me, during one of our 2 "talks" since nuke that he is not happy about sitch with kids (several times). When I pressed, "No, xh, are you happy with your life outside of the kids?" He said, "Yeah, I'm happy." Now, it was not convincing. Maybe because he wasn't, maybe it was hard to admit to me, maybe he hasn't thought about it. I don't know. I just have to assume he is. How anyone can be who did this to their family, well... if he could be after doing this, well, that just reinforces that it someone I don't want to be with.
It is just really weird, you know, the communication part. There is always something every couple days. The funny thing is that, a few months before the nuke but after bd, the one thing I noticed is that on the weekends, he was around and that's when I would hear from him. Then, during the week, I could tell, something was pulling him away. Something was ALWAYS up during the week.
It turns out, hww worked with him, and on the weekends, her x was at her house with her. Well that explained that.
Now, I hear from xh during the week from work (they are in different departments), but on the weekends, I really don't.
But, every couple days, I hear something. It is very minor and nothing in-depth at all, but it is like clock-work.
For example, yesterday I got an email from xh (I had left work already, so I got it this morning). Now this communication shows no emotion at all. It is very weird. But xh asked about D13's assignments online. He spoke to her yesterday and could have asked her. My first response was, "Have you talked to D13 or her teachers? If not, feel free." But I didn't. I just sent a simple explanation. He replied, "Thank you." And that was that.
What gives? Really. I just am so confused. I feel like it is a business response, one that is annoying and taking me away from important things. And my response is to appease, not worthy of credit. And most of his communication seems so unnecessary, just a reason to communicate. I don't know.
I can feel my emotions cycling quickly lately. I think it has to do with the baby coming. I just have a feeling it will be sooner than December. But I really don't even know. I still haven't seen her. Lucky her.
The thought of someone I didn't even know existed was walking around for months carrying my husband's baby. Ugh. It gets me. Every time.
