I've found that with my H - that he has pulled away from people who are supportive of our marriage and think his AR will be a disaster for him. I guess it is hard to be around people who are telling you things you don't want to hear whilst you are in "affair-land."
You sound very empathetic towards your W - I feel the same way (to a degree) with my H. But people have really encouraged me to balance this with what is okay and not okay for me. I couldn't say that I love him unconditionally. Because my continued love depends on him being fully committed to our M again, and ending the AR. I won't love him no matter what.
Sorry you aren't having a good day. Hope tomorrow is a better one. Often good follows bad I have found.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
