Married young, W had affair w/ coworker

[UpperCu]

W is definitely curious about changes in my behavior. I shared previously that we had barely spoken in past week except for at MC. Last night when I got home W initiated a 2 hour convo. I started off with minimal info, used good eye contact and listened closely to what she was saying. She was roller coastering like Starsky predicted. From tears about being sorry for A and expressing how isolated and alone she feels, to anger about how I have given her an ultimatum that basically means she has to give up her career if she wants to be with me (I've never said that, just said NC with OM is a must if we are to continue marriage, which she seems convinced would end her fledgling career before it even starts). At one point she even said she loves me... I took that with a grain of salt and did not say it back. The whole convo I was looking for commitment to marriage from her or signs of what she will change, but it doesn't look like she has resolved to make any lifestyle changes at this point. So far she has respected my boundary of not sleeping in marital bed without commitment and hasn't stayed out late drinking. She did comment that her drinking buddies really arent great friends, since they don't have a clue about what she is really dealing with... Duh. It's been two days, but I'm sure you all know these small wins feels huge at this point!

I laid out financial explanations as well. I reiterated my plan to share in family costs and that family $ should not be used for A. She is in a crunch time for her Grad program so we agreed to table the financial convo for right now, but to revisit soon. She is going to continue to look for jobs in the meantime. I have laid a lot out as far as expectations this week and am trying to be loving while firm. Any comments on this approach?

She did not want to use debt to contribute to living expenses and brought up her legal case that as a dependent spouse, I couldn't leave her out to dry. This has been a concern of mine from a legal standpoint of we end up getting divorced based on research of laws in my state. I have NOT consulted with an attorney though. I feel like that may set a process in motion I don't want since I really want to reconcile. Your thoughts?

Saw W briefly at home during lunch today and had small talk about our days (initiated by her). She asked what my plans were and I sing ask what gets were. She noticed I made the bed for the first time in a long time... And in response I simply said "well you're usually still in it when I leave for work every day..." LOL

Hope you guys are doing well on your end. Will try to look at your sitch more tonight Jefe.