I read DR. I am waiting for DB. I am trying to incorporate all the ideas into my life, but it is not automatic. I am being more civil with my W. I am working on myself. I am spending more time with the children. I am working on my PMA. I am not sure what to make of the email I received from my W.
"I am completely embarrassed that I can't come up with the nerve to look you in the eye and apologize for all the hurt, pain and devastation I have caused you. Yes that makes me a complete coward. I know that what I did and have been doing to you is unforgivable but I just want to tell you how unbelievably sorry I am. You said last night in the car that some times people don't see the gem they have right in front of them and in my case that is so true. You are a gem and I destroyed the sparkling marriage with my constant mistakes. I am sorry. I truly am. I don't deserve your forgiveness and that is what I will carry with me for the rest of my life but I do need you to know that I am so sorry and I truly loved you with my heart and soul. I know that doesn't make sense to you because you are complete but I never want you to believe that I didn't love you. I am trying to figure out who I am Like XXXX XXXXXX said we need to find out who we really are. I am so sorry for the pain I cause you during this process. I went about things the wrong way. I am so sorry. I can go on for pages but I will be happy knowing you read this much."
Although there is much more that I wanted to say in reply, I responded that "I appreciate you sincere effort to apologize and I am sorry this is hard for you." the problem is that although she says she is sorry, she is continuing the same behavior (the A). This makes for a very shallow apology.
