On the brink, need a miracle

[Onguard]

I have exchanged vm with my attorney. I keep wavering back and forth as to whether or not I should start the D process. My w has said that she thinks S might be our only hope because she is waiting for her feelings to return. Starsky has said, which I agree with, that feelings follow actions. You first make a decision that you want the M to work, then you act in loving ways, then the feelings return. But her feelings for the om are still strong, even though he ended the A (supposedly) over 5 months ago. Which begs the question, "If she didn't want it to end and she would still meet him now then has the A really ended?" (what she wrote down is "Would still meet him". When I confronted her she said that it would be to obtain closure. Which is total bs). The way I see it. SHE is still having an affair. She is hoping for her ap the way I am hoping for her. Which really su*ks. The ONLY positive signs she has given me are to say "I don't know what I want, I am confused"/ "If I were sure about our M being over then I wouldn't still be here." Basically I am grasping for straws.

It all comes back to the same formula I suppose. Detach, GAL, follow the 37 rules, know that I will be ok no matter what. Treat her with respect, be confident, content and strong. If she changes her mind and wants to return then evaluate how I feel at that point. I need to proceed without her.

The only question I have is whether or not to start the D. She is still in the affair mentality. If he contacted her today I have no doubt that she would be with him. Which makes me sick. He lives just a few miles from us, so even IF she ever decided to work on the M, I would be in constant fear of this A starting up again.