My fear of getting stuck is precisely why I am pushing so hard for a formal separation. I will have clear boundaries and I can continue moving forward. Unfortunately I am financially dependent on him right now but this path is the best way to move forward with my own dignity and responsibilities. I need to feel empowered.

Every night I pray for husband. I found a beautiful prayer that is just for him and I say it with love and no expectations. I have to say it is a gift for me as well. The surrendering of my love and acceptance. Each morning I wake up and choose my marriage. I wear my rings and I tell our girls this is like the family in the parable of the prodigal son. Just try to keep the door unlocked. It is very, very hard and we won't be perfect but that is my aim - to keep the door open.

I talk a great game but the execution of living this way is so very sad. I have never cried so many tears. It never should have had to be this horrible for any of us. My daughter said it is sad to think the one you'd take a bullet for is the person pulling the trigger.

Last edited by 123Gwen; 10/15/14 12:39 PM.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou