standing for me

[Ahoy]

Thank you rd500. I'm open to taking time, but he's the one wanting to D. He wants this I think so he can continue to pursue this other woman with a clearer conscience. One thing I did wrong is say that if he was 100% sure he was done with our M then there was no reason not to start educating ourselves about the dissolution process in our state, which we have plans to do later this month. I told him I didn't want to do anything legal at this point, just educating ourselves. He agreed. So I contributed to pushing things forward, which is totally against DB.

At the same time, I felt good about having direction. And I felt okay with releasing him. Do I love him? I don't know.

I loved the person he was. I loved our life and our family. I trusted him and he was my best friend.

All of those things are gone now, though. He is simply not that man anymore, and I don't know what the outcome of his MLC will be. I don't know the kind of man he might become.

But right now he is a man who left out of the blue to have an affair, and to me that is not attractive.

Do I love him?

This man who sat across from me crying in self-pity? Who says he is happy in his new wilderness? Who has no idea who he is?

I don't know. I really don't.

If he drove up my driveway right now and begged to come back, I would hesitate. I would make us take time. I don't know if I could ever trust him again.

Knowing that last part gives me pause.

I know I could encounter the same issues with a new partner. But I know for sure I will encounter them with H.

The limbo has cleared, but the pain remains.