Claire-- Is DB Worth it? Part 8

[25yearsmlc]

Ugh, 5 K training is not going.
I never solved some of my post-pregnancy physical issues that interfere with running (don't mean to be TMI).

If I knew then, what I know now, I'd have insisted on c-sections for each child...but hey, that's water under the bridge, and maybe it wouldn't have gone smoothly....

But, the good news is that I am starting PT again next week. Going to also try to pick up a yoga class once a week, and maybe add in some treadmill walking or biking or weight training.

To be honest, I've struggled for the past year with my sleep habits. I fall asleep on the couch every night, and wake up somewhere between midnight and 1, and then get into bed. My alarm goes off at 5:30. My D often wakes up once/night. Sometimes I do, too. That part of my life is a bit of a mess, and I'm surprised at how well I'm functioning considering I *never* get a good full night's rest.

I am exhausted. I know I need to solve this, as sleep is the key to so many other parts of my healing.

Join the club of lousy sleepers (gee, then again, here I AM Posting at 1:30 am....hmmm)


I have such a block about it though.

Even after all.this time, I hate getting into bed. I got new sheets that I love, I have a candle that smells great. And I still hate getting into bed.

Clearly I've still got a lot of work to do.

I would also love some pointers on how to get more traffic to my thread. Maybe I don't spend enough time on other people's threads. I have to give more to receive more.


No, you give plenty. I think you can post more often (shorter perhaps) and or to another forum. I don't even know what forum I'm on at the moment but I saw your name on the "active topics" pile and so, here i am (plus it's so LATE, what else would I do?!)


My BD anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks, then my wedding the following week.


For your WEDDING anniversary, we can talk about sending a momento re: your d and the fact that you'll never regret having a child together "it's still worth remembering", or "thank you for helping me bring her into our world", etc. NOTHING about him being your h, but maybe MAYBE something good about him being a good dad--if it is reasonably believable. Don't over do it if he's been AWOL but then again, Gives him something to live up to.

Still no more mediation meetings in the works, still in limbo.

^^^Why is that all bad? Why isn't that, arguably, a positive?


Do I ever ask him when he plans to take the rest of his belongings out of the house? Or-- if we should begin splitting finances, especially if he is spending joint $$ on dating? Dare I say something like that to him?


Nope...not now at least...But you needn't keep waiting for the other shoe to drop either. More on that later


I feel like the answer is always, no-- no R talks, just GAL and worry about yourself. Limbo is good.

But this unknown is scary. Maybe I need to make some moves, like get the house appraised.

Getting it appraised is not a bad idea.

Am I entitled to access to joint bank accounts or CC accounts?


YES YOU ARE entitled access to it, and to all of the money in it ( not to close the account however so you'd have to leave $25 or something, so it doesn't look as if you "stole" it all)

CAVEAT to the above ^^^ CAVEAT CAVEAT

Legally in a final settlement, you'd get half of all marital assets.

When I said you could take all of this money, NOTE that you would have to compensate him for his half, when you guys sign the papers.

Til then however, you guys are married and if you needed to buy living room furniture and you went and charged it on the joint CC, there's nothing HE could do to stop you or claim it's not legal. IT IS legal but that does not make it a great idea.

See, while HALF of it is YOURS TO KEEP, at this time you can avail yourself of all of it, if you remember that later on when things get all settled, the money you take that exceeds your half, will need to be returned to him.

Make sense? Also, why not ask yourself the questions my L asked me to see where you land on it, okay?

IF I were you, YES I sure would access the accounts asap. WHY? BECAUSE YOU NEED TO

1) find out what the income/assets/expenses numbers really are b/c you WILL NEED them for mediation and or a divorce,

and
2) to see if (and or how much) he is spending on some OW, b/c that is money you & your offspring are entitled to,

AND OR

3) you may need some "rainy day" money sooner than you realize. (In my book, it's raining now).

FYI, after discussing it with my Lawyer back then, she asked if it as possible that my h would "go bonkers and hide money"....to which I said "NO...well, probably not.... but then again, I never thought he'd fly to Alaska and not tell me, THREE TIMES (that I know of)..." so there's that...

She said on the off chance he went nuts with money, since I had 2 kids at home with me and he'd already "forgotten" to pay our electric bill so that power nearly got cut off during the fire season, (Story to come)

IDEA-- to set aside enough money to live off of, for maybe 2 months IN CASE HE tried to screw us...b/c it would take 6 weeks or so to get an order to force him to pay support....

She also said not to touch it unless I had to and to keep a log of all expenses. So I did that. Be ready to show where it went and what the purpose was, so HE CANNOT ACCUSE YOU of mishandling money, or being deceitful about it.

I hate to admit this but I took several thousand out, per her suggestion and h never ever noticed it....ever!!....

(I sometimes think I should have bought a hot tub! OR gone to Paris with my sisters....but then, that's harder to hide from as those moves are more noticeable...)

I can't see what he spends-- he controls access to all the accounts and pays the shared CC bill. He has another card on his own, and so do I.

Looks like I need to call Chuck and my L.
and I need to get some sleep.

Keep talking to Chuck. I never had him as my coach but I had a Godsent angel for mine.
They are great. Let us know what HE thinks about all this, and keep on posting.