Fresh separation - trying to play by the book

[Mozza]

In the name of sharing small bits and help get me off moderation, here are a few of the things I find hardest.

1. Finding out all this information about WAW now, a few weeks after the breakup. I had no idea my marriage was at risk, but now I see all the signs were there. How I wish I knew this in time and acted on it.

2. Being unable to share information with my W on the benefits of marriage and the downsides of divorce.

3. Having to hide my struggle from my W. I fear she doesn't realize how much I love her, that she'll think I move on real quick so she made the right decision.

4. Falling back into the depth of despair at regular intervals. It's not the daily improvement I was expecting, it's more like ups and downs. The higher I get, the lower I go. I'm tired.

5. Having to GAL and be normal in front of my W. I'm at my lowest and yet I'm supposed to spring with energy. Human nature is upside down sometimes.


And here are a few of the upsides, if I may say so.

1. The separation was a true wake-up call and I feel I'm becoming a better person. I doubt any other shock treatment would have had the same effect.

2. Finding out how many people care deeply about me. I don't go a day without speaking to a friend. My parents have been on the phone with me some 4-5 hours a day sometimes. It has gotten us much closer. Before, I could go a month without talking to them.

3. Enjoying the time without the kids more than I had anticipated. I miss them, but it's nice to have a reduced workload. (though it makes me sad because my wife probably thinks the same which supports her decision to leave)

4. Not falling into depression. I thought this would happen to me, but I manage to work part time, keep the house clean, see my friends and family, take care of the kids, buy new clothes. I find pride in this.