standing for me

[Ahoy]

Thanks for the encouragement. This feels so final, even though the paperwork has not even begun, and I've seen plenty of examples of folks returning from that point. Even so, I don't think I'll need to act "as if" anymore. The truth is that I am moving on with my life without him. I have to. If he changes his mind, so be it, and I'll deal with it then. But for now, I feel in my heart it is over.

He's been gone for three months, and in another three we could be dissolving the M. I can't believe how quickly everything is changing. I can't believe this is what he wants. I can't believe how lost he is. He is deep in MLC. Says he doesn't know who he is or what he wants, dissatisfied with everything -- me, his job, his art, his family. He admits it may take him a long time to find himself.

I want to be patient. I do. But if he doesn't want the marriage, I'm not going to stand in his way. I need to pursue my peace of mind, and finally knowing what direction we are going does give me that sense.

What irritates me: that he was cake-eating the past few months. Inviting me to do things together (dinners, walks, outings). Honestly, what is the point?

I will see him to discuss paperwork but nothing more.

He is a total waste of my energy at this point.

I plan to focus exclusively on me, D14, and my lovely friends and family. I plan to enjoy my life without him.

Hugs to all of you. It's so good to have you there today.