Thank you, Matt! I've been following you, as usual... I have you in my thoughts and prayers for you to find the job of your dreams:). We both get to deal with such fun with our MLC nonsense at the same time!
The spewing.... Thank you for the validation and crazy comparison. It's truly like talking to a child.
Funny... When my twins were babies, I learned early on to not stress about every little cry to get them sleeping through the night. The first nights were hard, but then it got easy. And they stopped fussing.... Hmmmmmmm.... BABIES.....
It's great when you can get to a place where you are able to stand back and let 'em rip, just for sheer entertainment value!
I find the blow-by-blow descriptions of MLC rants to be the most engaging posts.
It is absolutely true that when you do not engage, first they up the ante a bit, but then, they just sort of fizzle out.
You can almost hear them go pppffffffssssszzzzzt. t. t. t... t
I have finally gotten the knack of responding to GUBU, the right mix of validating and reframing, where I don't disagree, don't agree, just let him run out of steam by being nice and kind and clear in my communications.
DO NOT DEFEND YOURSELF. That is one of Sandi's rules.
Well done!
(And yes, before this I was also a point-by-point responder. No more!)
If only Grumpy McSpew knew how many chuckles he was providing for all of us. He'd probably nip HIMSELF in the bud!
--GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Shining I hope you have a great time in NY and that this job works out! Good things are coming.....
I'm glad to see where you're progressing to- it helps me as I am feeling a bit stuck this week. I need to accept that he seems to be progressing to D and I just can't seem to for some reason. I'm angry and sad. Going to keep watching you- it keeps my hope up to get through this no matter what.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Oh dear, you hit the whole list of bills. I got that too! In fact yesterday at meditation I got the whole I sunk 40k of my $ in there it's my value. H and the re written history of he traveled alone to collect items used in our hobby! I'm not sure why I have memories of sleeping in frost on -6 mornings on the deck of the truck with him, surely my memory is warped.
In my case previously I just let him claim and the hard work I did all the $ I earnt etc.
Now no more. Yes I validate his feelings. No I don't allow him to take my credit where it's due to me.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
GGG, I find it so fascinating....human behavior in general. This mess? It's a whole new school of study. We can't change the crisis. But I'm seeing where our behavior can really stir them up, or let their negative bubble deflate, as you so eloquently described.
LiveNow, thank you for the encouragement about the job! I'm hopeful!
Daring, we WILL get through this, no matter what. The M as we knew it, was long gone. The rest is business. It may sound cold to say it, but that's the thought that keeps me going. Paper can't change how I feel, and whether I stand. Only I can.
Soooo.....Just as I'm doing my celebratory-proud-of-myself dance......God yanks my ponytail from behind, and pulls me back saying, "Hold on there, Shining".
I didn't mention a few spew-details (tried to edit 7 emails of it). H also said he was blocking my number from being able to call or text him (which I don't do, but it was during the control rant and telling me how it's gonna be).
This evening, I looked at my phone, and I missed 2 texts from H which were sent 30 minutes earlier.
I'm feeling all full of myself, and roll my eyes reading the messages, thinking, "ok, what now?"
H told me that one of our two-closest couple friends (we did everything together, trips, parties, family stuff) just found out their oldest S shot himself and died.
Well, that brings a person back to ground pretty fast. Perspective adjusted.
H gave me the basic details. I thanked him for letting me know.
I'm ok. H seemed ok. There is nothing for anyone to do right now, except pray. He was in his 20's and has 4 kids under 12. His wife died of cancer a little over a year ago.
Things like this....shakes a person back to earth. I don't have much to complain about. I have everything I need, which isn't much. But it's everything that matters. It sure could be far worse.
Also, it reminds me to again....never "assume" I know what H is thinking, feeling, or texting me until I actually know. We never really know. I keep thinking I know. But I don't.
Hearing of this brought up some of my biggest fears from February...don't know how to overcome those, but I know I'll need to.
And before you comment, Mighty....I PROMISE I'm not trying to copy your last few years. It looks like it....but I'm not. Really. This can stop anytime now. An-nee-ti-me. Like now. Now is good. Annnnnnnddd cut. I'm full. Saying "when".
