Fresh separation - trying to play by the book

[Mozza]

Hello all. Reading through this forum convinced me to register and participate. I'm impressed by the wisdom of many commenters and feel that I could benefit and could, perhaps, contribute. It's good to find other people thinking through all of this. This post will be my background story, so forgive the length.

Me: 39 W: 34
D: 6.5 D: 3
M: 9.5 years

9/4/2014: First mention of separation
9/11/2014: I relent and accept that she will leave.
9/20/2014: She moves out of the apartment.

My W caught me by surprise when she announced that she wanted a separation and that it was too late to fix anything. She was tired of my criticism and she needed to find her true self, far from my influence. She wanted her freedom and it couldn't be achieved within the family. She gave me her version of ILYBINILWY. She didn't want her kids to think that one has to stay in an unhappy marriage and they'll adapt to anything anyway.

For a week, I begged and pleaded. Then, I came across some DB-like advice and decided to get out of the way: I relented. It all happened quickly and nine days later she was in her own apartment. Her parents are well off and paid for the move, the furniture, the rent, etc. In the meantime, I slipped several times, asking for reassurance, attention, sex. Once she left, it became easier.

The understanding is that "all options are open, but we shouldn't base our lives on this". D is never mentioned.

There were a few triggers. First, she started a job at a start-up a month before she left. She found there people who valued and complimented her. It's the kind of place with a live-in dog, chess boards, Playstations, social clubs, drinks at the office on Friday afternoon, etc. She bonded with her colleagues who are younger, free, fun, etc. She was happy at work and not at home. Second, a long-divorced friend came to stay with us for 5 days and told her that I'm not good enough for my W, that her divorce was a liberation for her. Two days later, my wife asked for a separation.

I have lost at least 15 pounds and I was already skinny. I cry several times a day and I sleep 5-6 hours a night. I see a therapist who's helping me work out why I was pushing away the W that I love so much. We're not there yet. W sees a therapist for some 7 months now (she takes antidepressants) and says that she doesn't talk about the separation with her friends.

We share the kids every other week. They take the whole thing in strides.

All of our interactions are positive. I play by the book: I don't contradict her, I avoid R talks, I don't question her, initiate communications, cry or say that I love her and want her back, etc. She reaches out to me several times a week and not just about logistics. She shares her difficulties from the separation (insomnia, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, etc.) but remains steadfast.

QUESTIONS

When can I re-initiate contact and start the courtship? Our contact is good already, no fights or even negative talks since she left. Am I supposed to wait that she reinitiates by inviting me for lunch? (she already did 2 weeks ago) At what point do I take the initiative? What's the signal?

During the separation talks, she told me she didn't know I loved her this much. I'm concerned that keeping her at arm's length will only confirm her decision to go. For a LBS, are there circumstances where you're supposed to open your heart more and show your true feelings?

I'm sure I will have more questions along the way, especially as situations arise. I'm really grateful I found this place.