The reason I am having such a hard time with this is b/c I don't know who to DB in my M. I know that sounds weird, but a good part of the reason my husband & I seperated was b/c of his daughter, my step-daughter. Should I do the 180s and everything on him without focus on him? Should I just DB him? This is confusing.
Also, I have not texted my H all day, and he texted me asking to Skype with our son. ....I did let him call him (skype was acting up), but let my son "talk" (he's only 16 months old) to his father, and did not speak to my husband. When we were texting, he told me was excited to see his son this weekend and hoped I wasn't going back on my word to bring him (we live 4 hrs apart).
...I told him that I had made plans for the weekend and that I wasn't. Was this a bad move? I thought it would be good to show that I as moving forward and not just sit at home like I normally do on weekends. Going to look my best when I go see him.
...I went for a run with my son today. It wasn't long, but it's a start. ....so I really am trying to be as active as possible with him and to lose weight.
You are getting good advice to focus. To respond to some of your questions.
DB is for you and your spouse. If your H is controlled by his daughter, he is not going to be either a good father or H. You can include her in what you plan for your 180's, but the focus is on your marriage and what you can control. You can certainly do things to rebuild your relationship with your stepD and become a fascinating person and perhaps role model to her.
GAL is about you and making you a better and more interesting/fascinating person in the eyes of your spouse and the world.
Isn't it great how "not texting" and not being communication clingy is working out for you. Really think about how much of a change it is making. Let that encourage you in your other DB efforts. Celibrate your successes as small or brief as they may be.
He has a right to see his son and you have a right to some freedom. Going out this weekend is not wrong. What are you planning on doing? Is it going to make you a more interesting person to your H? Is it going to make you a better person? You could always sign up at the last minute for a 5K fun run/walk to help raise money for a charity (walking 3.1 miles should be doable, maybe not running it if you haven't trained, but walking it). You could see if there is some kind of group activity you could be part of, say a neighborhood clean-up, food bank gleaning/harvest activity, dance class, etc.
Yes, look good for him when he shows up, but remember that at this phase you want to detach, you can leave him wanting, but you need to keep your distance until he realizes that you are not the same person he left. He needs to understand that and make changes in himself. Until then, don't throw yourself at him, beg him or plead with him to come back to you. You want the situation to change for the better.
Good luck and try to be consistent in how you implement your DBing.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
