Todays journal entry. Last couple days have been easier to be detached. Even family has noticed I have not been calling and texting to lean on them so they have been asking if I was ok. Woke this morning though and the heartache was there like it was the first day. Got busy cleaning house and lots of prayer. Decided to come on here and post to keep from falling back on my hard earned progress.
What I am working on.
180's honestly I know this sounds wrong but there are only a couple things my wife want me to change but one is a big one.
1)She felt like I didnt give her space....180 ive been giving her plenty. she is the only one who calls and initiates.
2) next 180 more PMA. When it was great it was great in our M and she loved when I had a great PMA. even if I am not always having a PMA day im faking it till I make it.
3) Wife hated it when I blew up and arguement. My single largest contribution to why I am in my sitch.....my 180 has been even though she baited me early on after she left I have yet to lose my cool. Honestly this was something I worked hard on before but failed alot recently. Now honestly I dont have it in me to blow up anymore. Even anything comes of this its a big lesson learned.
4) last 180 is something she has brought up post S. She thinks I am going to do something tricky or manipulating to get her back. At times when she calls and tells me all of her plans for Future without R before I have a chance to speak she says,"your not saying much of what your doing it makes me think your being sneaky." So trying to make sure I dont do anything she would percieve as manipulative, hard to do since she seems paranoid about alot of things right now.
last but not least I have had phone IC and setting up a full range of mental health services with the VA already have appts before I even move up in a few weeks.
Me 38 WAW 40 S 10 S 5 M 5 years BD 10/04/14 S 10/04/14
