My Wife Filed Today

[Shakspr]

I don't mind sleeping in a tent in the back yard if I know my family is close and safe.

FunDad, if this how you truly feel, you will find a way to make this right for your children, no matter what your W does. Praying for you now - you are a good man.

[FunDad]

Thanks for the kind words. This group is such a great support.

[FunDad]

So I'm feeling better with each day that passes and the fog is starting to lift. I complemented my wife last night on the house and neighborhood she found to move her and the kids to. There are plenty of friends for the kids. I also apologized for not being the leader I needed to be in our marriage and she said she forgave me. The tone of the conversation was in the frame of me accepting that we are going to get a divorce and just talking to her as my ex-wife. I had a very very hard time accepting this is going to be the new reality. Time makes it easier. The DB'ing does also. Detaching, regardless of whether it brings them back or not, is such an important part of this process because without it you are completely stuck where they dropped you. She's had months if not years to get to this point emotionally and I'm just now catching up. I'm beginning to see the fact that life will be ok whether she comes back or not. A part of me still hates that thought but another part of me sees relief in it. I'm still not giving up, I'm just not as emotionally tied to winning her back as I was before, which makes 180's and GAL much easier.

I'm off work this week so I'll have the kids much of the time. Let the fun begin!

[Jefe]

Awesome to hear FD. I was getting worried about you because I haven't seen you in awhile.

Have fun with the kiddos!

[hope224]

I feel the same way too. It definitely feels a lot easier to get on with my life now. Detaching and acting as if has definitely helped a lot too. Isn't the feeling so great when nothing the WAS says or does make you emotionally crazy or just make you cry like it used to? I know you will be fine, you sound a lot better. I still hope everything works out and somehow at some point she will realize what she is missing out on.

[FunDad]

So we agreed on the temporary order and it will be filed by her attorney. I went to pick her up today because she is having vehicle issues and we went to make a few adjustments. She claims she told me that we could use the same attorney for this so it would not be as expensive. I have absolutely no recollection of that conversation. I was rather shook up at ground zero time however and I may have missed that, but I really don't think I would miss something that huge. I have an excellent attorney, and I don't think she likes that. Anyway, she also restated that the D is my fault, basically because I would not blindly share my pay check with her after she moved out with the kids.

My latest concern still is that I'm not going to "feel like" caring enough to want her back after things are settled. I think I'll still be able to muster up the discipline to keep at it anyway however. I can see she is stressed, not sleeping, and overwhelmed trying to do all this on her own and it makes me feel sad for her.

[Bunches]

I don't know that you can really predict whether you will feel like taking her back or not. WAS could change her mind tomorrow or 5 years down the road, or never really. Just one of those bridges you have to cross when you come to it I would think. I don't remember where I saw it today but I saw a quote this morning that comes to mind. "Where the mind leads the heart will follow, if you let it." If that day comes and you have the road paved home you might decide its best for everyone and take that chance. But at least you are doing the work to have a happy life regardless.

[FunDad]

I'm so glad that I've come this far to be emotionally detached from her. She made some plans to be gone for a few days without telling me. I have no idea where she is or who she is with and I did not make a big deal of it. Normally this would have thrown me for a loop, but now it's no big deal. I know she did this on purpose to send a message, but my message will be that it's not going to affect me. When she gets back, I may ask her that in the future she let me know what's going on so I at least know what the plan for our children is.

[Jefe]

Good job, FD.

Hey what concert are you guys practicing for?

[FunDad]

Thanks Jefe. We are doing an outdoor gig for the community this weekend. Fun oldies!