Actually, it was a little different than that, although I understand your point. At our first counseling appointment set up about 2 weeks in by my wife (through the county court.) The C asked how they found out about that service. My wife thought it was a mediator and said that her lawyer suggested to contact the group. At that point the C looked at me and asked if I had a lawyer by which I replied, yes.

I've been through DR and half of DB. I'm just not quite sure how to set boundaries w/o having any contact with her. I know anything with OM will force her into denial if I don't tip my hand that I know.

Boundaries I'd like to set are:
Calendar for the Kids
No big purchases (kids say she's looking at getting a house)
No OM interacting with the kids

M:36 W:37
T: 15 M:11
S6 D5
BD: 8/10/14
IDLY: 8/12/14
S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids)
D Mentioned: 10/15/14
Confronted about OM: 10/15/14
EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13
She filed: 8/15 (not final)