Need Help before I blow a fuse.

[20&lost]

I want my marriage to work but I keep getting in my own way (stumbling). I person I was when my W and I first met was fun, outgoing, firm and decisive. I have become a shell of the person I once was. I am scared to be firm because I am scared I'll run her off. Trying to do my LRT and I keep sliding backward. I'll do well one day and then she will disappear for a few hours here and there and then my mind makes up things and I react. Also, in good times we talked all the time on the phone and she rarely calls me and now almost all communication she has with me outside the house is through texting. Does anyone have a way keeping a PMA when you think everything you are doing is failing and how to be stronger in your conviction when doing the LTR.