The country market was closing, so this trip did not prove to be fruitful. When I returned, I called him from McD's asking if he wanted a coffee. He replied "yes, please". We drank the coffee, he brought out his cookies. He had found an old dresser and inside it were interesting brass handles/hardware that he knew I would like. He went back to work on our vehicles, he took a bit more of my help & then it began to rain. He was anxious to take the one vehicle back to his home shop to fix it outside of the rain. He jumped in his van and said "ok, Ive got a, b & c to still do, so I guess this is it?" I said "sure" and he immediately drove away. Again, no kisses or form of touch or affection. I was annoyed because I was wanting "time" more time together or at least for him to want/& ask. So, I called him immediately and asked "was I supposed to follow you back to the house to finish working?" He said "no, I can handle the rest on my own & to carry on" and that we need to figure out our bid for later or tomorrow morning..... so, I may get a text in a little while.
UGGHHHHHHH!! Carry on? Really... what is that? It feels like dismissal and rejection.
To me, "carry on" means to continue what I was doing before interrupted. I personally do not see a rejection or dismissal in his choice of words, but of course I wasn't there to observe the attitude in which it was said.
MM, this time of the month probably has you more sensitive to him, don't you think? Your feelings may tend to get hurt easier, you may feel more vulnerable, and you may have an emotional need for his attention and affection more at this time. So, keep ithat in mind. I won't blame everything on PMS, just saying it may intensify your feelings.
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I finally caved in and texted him about the work thing/bidding. We were in discussion about what we should bid on our next purchase. I gave him my reasons and he got his back up & then stated "bid what you want"... his last words at 10:14 pm.
I wrote back:
"don't say that" "bid what you want" " our last purchase of similar was $X, but I am fine with your bid choice" "why are you upset all of a sudden? I'm just reviewing our previous bids"
Maybe you should pick a good time to suggest late hours at the end of the day is not the time to discuss business. To me, it appears he was tired physically......and perhaps worn down mentally. You said earlier he was anxious/frustrated, so the stress of the day could have caught up with him. That could have been what was behind any sound of rudeness or bluntness. Again, not knowing his tone in which he said this, I am speculating. Since he did not reply to your text, it implies to me that he was clearly through talking for the night. I see him as being the type that when he's through.....he's through, and any further discussion from you is "pressure" to him. May be his way of shutting you up....IDK.
B/c of the complexity of this R, it seems to be impossible to separate your business R from your personal R with each other. As I recall, you tried that in the past and it didn't work for you. With that said, you may want to pick a time (not when he is stressed or you have PMS) to approach the topic of ground rules.
Simply tell him that in order to keep a good working R, it would help "you" if you had some ground rules in place. Be honest and tell him that due to the complex situation, you often times have problems distinguishing between his business side and his personal one.
This way, you are not necessarily blaming him, but it is something he can do to help "you". Remember: saying what you want = takes away guessing games. And, you do a lot of guessing about his actions.
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I don't think I should bid... its not right that he did that to me.
I don't think this is "trying to get along"...
I really believe this boils down to the differences in the two styles of communication of you and BF. Nevertheless, to prevent it from growing into a monster, I would suggest you deal with it head on. Remember, don't make it sound as if you are pointing out all his faults, but rather, what he can do to help you.
When the time is right this morning, tell him you do not feel comfortable making any bid without his full support. Having his agreement/support is more important to you. This bid is certainly not worth the two of you not "getting along". (See if he offers any comments at that point.). Then approach the subject of how the conversation ended last night by tellin him that you wish you didn't sweat the small stuff.....but you do. He could help you a lot if he would not end calls abruptly. And......I believe I would just tell him that you have a difficult time not taking some business discussions more personally than you should b/c of the personal connection between the two of you. Tell him that abruptly ending calls is like leaving you with no closure to the discussion. Tell him that you would appreciate him telling you that he needs to go in a couplenof minutes to indicate the call is coming to an end. That way, he can give you a few more seconds to wrap up the discussion, and that will help you have closure......and not take things so personal. Ask him if he will do this for you.
Now MM, I am not gifted in this sort of thing. However, I hope you can get the main points and idea here. I believe he may be more receptive if he doesn't feel under attack and that it is you that needs this from him. That way, you can get past it, hopefully get what you want/need, and it won't continue to bother you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
