H's MLC #5

[2BHappy]

I dont even know how to say this...

My last DR apt for my yearly GYNO exam I saw my Dr's nurse practictioner, as we discussed any concerns I ask for STD testing, I did not know but she did blood work for Herpes, well,,,all other STD's are negative, BUT herpes type2 blood test is POSITIVE. I'm scared, upset, she can notice it in my voice, nurse pract tells me I could have had this for years and since I had no symptons no one would have ever done a blood test, she only included it becuase she was ordering other blood test for STD's...

She ask me how long with my H I told her since 1996 and no other partners for me, she laughes a little (said sorry for laughing, said if I dont have outbreaks and been only with my H since 1996 we can continue to be sexual with each other and to just watch for any signs of outbreaks) and she said you probably both already have it then and no way to know who I got it from could be H or could be sex partners before my H...She checked my medical records with this Dr back to 1999 no STD's no signs of herpes on any exam,,,this is the office who deliver my s14 in 2000 and gave me my complete hysterectomy in 2007.

Nurse pract reminded me that not everyone has signs of herpes and that is another reason why its so common, so advised me to not go searching on internet, to only read CDC or AHSA website to avoid all kinds of confusing info. I read those and others and nothing helped me to feel better. I ask Nurse if I could have a false positive she said probably not and she would order retest but it would be to only calm my mind and she expected same results.

I told H yesterday, I was very worried and felt digusting, H tried to comfort me, said he would go get tested also but at this point he either has it or not, and H said he has never seen any signs of herpes sores anywhere on me, I have never seen any on H either. H said he also knows that test can be wrong,,,but no sense in getting more tests since I have never shown any signs and he has not either. H said its not a death sentence..

I know I should be happy it was not some other STD's like HIV...THANK GOD

But this herpes has no cure and now I feel horrible, I wonder if I need to call past sex partners, I now feel like if this does not work out with my H I will never be in another sexual realtionship or a serious relationship wth anyone..

How can I have sex and not pass it if I dont even have signs, condoms dont work cause it does not cover sores, which I never had anyway...

Nurse Pract said I dont need the daily meds they have cause I dont have signs of a outbreak...

What if H does not have it, Nurse Pract said then she would suggest a retest for me.

I tried to see if this is something that I could just carry and not pass on, but that does not seem to be the case..

I could barely get out of bed this morning, cried all night, head hurts.

the nurse said I've probably had for years, but she could not tell how long or anything...

I dont even know how this fits into DB

Why has this knocked the wind out of me?

H is not even pressed to get tested, but said he will as soon as he can, H does not go to the DR when he needs to so no telling how long it will be before he makes an apt and gets tested...

what if H does not have it, H already wants to leave,,,this may seal that...

I plan to call my to GYNO DR office today and ask to have my reg DR also review my results and see if he has any suggestions or thougths or anything... not that I have anything against the nurse pract,

OMGoodness I dont even know what to pray about for this, I did thank GOD that it was not something worse..

I dont know how much more I can deal with