Married young, W had affair w/ coworker

[UpperCu]

It was really encouraging after MC today to see the quick replies!

So MC was interesting... I didn't know what to expect as I really thought W might no-show since she has shown zero interest in R (verbally) but she text me an hour before to confirm we had an appointment AND showed up. Small win for the marriage! In the few minutes before the session W showed that she has noticed my changed behavior and lack of pursuing her. She even said - "You know you can talk to me right? You don't have to be so quiet." I told her I'm fine and I've just been thinking about things. These moments in the waiting room and during our session was the most we've talked all week...

Her position is still "I don't want to be tied down and married, but I don't want to lose H because I will probably be alone forever or if I'm with someone they won't love me like he does. So I don't know what I want."

At one point MC said to W "so it's like you've regressed to a younger version of yourself" after W talked about how she felt like she always had to act older than her age, and is finally getting to be young and free. She also said she came to the realization that before A her life was written out for her, but now it is a question mark and she likes that. All I could think was RUN HERE COME THE PEAs!

MC's advice last week was to hug and compliment each other and talk about the relationship... I tried that for a day and realized that we weren't ready for it. From reading Starsky's posts and Sandi's rules about a week after that I see that this MC misjudged our stitch last time. Maybe he's still figuring us out, and I think he gets it now.

When he asked if we could try the hug/compliment strategy, W said yes she would try it, and I said NO because.... Although W says she has NC with OM, she has plans to be in his territory in a few weeks and "can't promise she won't run into him." I'm not ready to return to ground zero and at this point, a 2nd A or continuation may be the end of the line for me. I also told MC and W that I have enough dignity and self respect that I won't tolerate a continued affair and pretend that we are both working on the R when W hasn't committed.

W is upstairs doing god knows what and I'm waiting to break the news that she needs to sleep in the guest BR like Starsky advised. She went out with her girlfriend to dinner after MC and to my surprise, was at home when I returned from hanging out with my own friends. Thanks Starsky for the advice to grow a spine and set boundaries on a separate thread ;-)

Haven't read DB or DR yet, trying to find a copy in town and don't want W to know I'm reading it. She monitors all my email, text, etc. and shares Amazon and Kindle account.

Also, W moving out won't work financially at this point as she is an unemployed student. I'm paying for everything, but have already told her I am not okay with her living at home or paying for anything if she continues the A. After laying that out, surprise surprise she has been job hunting...

Until next time...