Mindsin - pt. 4 (the countdown begins)

[25yearsmlc]

One thing that stood out that my W said to me the other night was how my contacts with Ann were "the ultimate betrayal".

She said this is the one thing that has completely shut the door on any chance for us to reconcile.

I don't see it. Can one of you perhaps make me see her PoV on this? I'm really trying to understand it.

Please don't fall for this. I believe you are trying to make sense of nonsense. She has you right where she wants you.. No confidence and head spinning...

That way you won't mess up her affair by contacting Ann again.

JC, maybe I'm late to this part of the party (i.e. your posts) but have you read this man's whole thread?

What is it you do Not want him to "fall for", that SHE was hurt by his multiple affairs? Why would you NOT believe that? I sure do and so does he (as of last week).

His wife IS NOT playing some game. He cheated on her, for years, with several different women and used marital assets to do so (b/c they were call girls, although despite that - he also wrote them notes and flirted and texted and acted like they were affairs, regardless of the financial aspects).

After she learned of it for the 3rd time (4th?) they went to counseling and he again promised he'd stop...and she again, sobbed...

He lost every job he had, until recently, and didn't warn her of the sudden loss of income. So she has gotten zero "security" from him, financial or marital and those are huge attractions for women.

WE WANT OUR H'S TO PROTECT AND PROVIDE...sexist as that may sound...

Since women value Security (financial, marital and emotional) in their men AND fidelity, these betrayals cuts to the core in her). And This went on for YEARS...

and so she's been thru A LOT and she stayed with him...

Now, SHE is having an affair - and you are acting as if there is no context to it, as if the worst should be assumed about her, but there is context and I see no reason for your assumptions of negativity.

This woman has fulfilled her vows above and beyond what most women would, until quite recently. Even in her FOG, she's trying to do the right thing, (comparatively speaking).

Thankfully, Mindsinks has a DB coach. A good one! Let him stay the course set with his DB coach. We are here to supper that, not combat it.

Mindsinks also has a few posters who have read his whole thread. I hope you will too, before you act as if his wife's behavior lacks context or before (Bond, Claire, me and I'm not sure who else)

So when you blurt out your opinion and recommend such a black & white perspective, it makes me think you have read some but not all. Plus, He is trying to stay married And if he becomes the punitive "tough love" party in this, it'd be supremely hypocritical of him, don't you think? She stayed with him thru several affairs...

Bottom line is, She has not acted in a vacuum. And he's trying to do the right thing by her, by the marriage, by the family and by him.... Okay?


You need to get working toward being more confident. A confident person wouldn't waste one second of time analyzing or believing that spin move that she pulled on you.. AND it seems to be working.....