If we're not exclusive towards each other during those 6 mos, I just don't know that I can a) sit around and put my M on hold while I 'wait' for her to decide to give it a shot AND/OR b)be ok with her possibly dating others during those 6 mos. However, if we're able to set some ground rules during that time (ex- no dating others), maybe I'm ok with the continued time apart?? I just don't know that I see that being her approach.
It is your anxiety about your W's decision that you're wanting to set down some conditions in order to make you feel secure. It doesn't work that way. Let. Her. Go.
The way I see it, this decision is an opportunity to CONTINUE working on yourself. Make permanent changes that you can live with after all it will be for the rest of your life...not just to get W back. It is a new YOU...new Tarheel.
What a gift! There's so many positives. Allow me to list them here:
-W will see "real" life on the other side on her own -W will certainly encounter difficulties without you around -W will slowly realize how life was like with you as her rock
Give this time for all of that to sink in for your wife. That is the real gift here.
You just cannot tell W not to date others because it is controlling. However you already told W that you are not willing to live in an open marriage. She's heard you on that one. She KNOWS this.
BTW, you don't just sit around. How lame is that?!! Get out and GAL your butt off! Life is out there waiting for the taking.
Originally Posted By: Tarheel
But, if we're not dating, she needs to understand that she runs the risk of losing me forever, which will be the case.
You've got this all wrong. You don't need to date for W to realize that she's losing you. Instead you go dark. That's how the WAS realizes the reality of their choices. Just disappear and be busy GALing. Be happy.
Keep your interactions with W at a bare minimum. If you're in her face all the time, there's ZERO opportunity for W to miss you and miss the essence of Tarheel.
Your fear and wet noodle backbone has been your Achille's heel. For real. 'she needs to understand that she runs the risk of losing me forever' So far, W has not seen any evidence of it by your wishy-washy actions over the past several months.
Originally Posted By: Tarheel
I'm not sure how soon all of this will occur as she can't afford a 3 bedroom apt with out at least selling her car. Or she's going to ask me to take out a 401k loan for her, which I will not be doing, which may lead to some tension. I also have no idea if she's wanting to remain M during those 6 mos or move forward with a dissolution.
Let W find this out for herself. Not for you to mindread or assume for her. Let her learn about the hard knocks of life on her own. Don't you dare to swoop in and try to rescue W from the choices she's making right now.
Here's an action plan once W moves out:
-Go pitch black dark -Keep interactions to a bare minimum about the kids -GAL your butt off -Be the first to end the phone convos -Be short & concise in email/text exchanges -Don't fund her lifestyle nor cash out your 401K -Separate your accounts from W so she cannot have access to your money
