..Yes, I just started reading Divorce Remedy. I'm on step 5. It's very hard to see what I did wrong, and how to fix it, or see that our problems were simple problems everyone goes through.
...I want to fix it, but I can't b/c he wants nothing to do with me.
We didn't talk all day yesterday, and he texted me this morning asking about our son.
....It's like the more I don't text him, the more he texts me.
....I am starting to GAL. I start a new job on Monday, just part time,
....I called my husband last night around 12:30 about 6 times ( a big no-no, I know). I also called him this morning and asked him to call me when he could. He called me. I don't really know what I was going to say, but I know I was going to beg him to take me back.
...I texted him asking how he felt about us and if he thought we would work out. He told me that he felt it just wasn't for the best.
...Although I messed up, I still handled this better than I normally do. So, in a way I guess I did a 180? Maybe more of a 90 or 45.
I am really starting to question why I am doing this, and feeling like nothing is really going to help. I know I'm going to end up divorced, and it's awful. I truly think my husband is happier without me. I guess I need to be happy without him.
....I just have to fill my days with stuff to do.
First of all, you are starting to understand things, but you really need to read and study the DB book. What you are going through, no matter what you think has happened to others. In fact when you do some of the right things like "detatch" as a "full 180" it bring results that you like. Let that sink in. Really try to be consistent. Whether it is raising a child, training a dog or dealing with a freaked out husband, consistency is important. You should know that.
So if you are going to do this, do it right and don't be clingy. You know on some level it doesn't work. Your own words, if you read and understood them show it doesn't work.
Second, I think that trying to save your marriage for both you and your child is a worthy goal. Unfortuntately it is hard work that will be required of you, consistency on your part to really SHOW him that you can change and have changed and are not the same person he decided to leave. Even if you are up to it, it still may not work, because you can't make, beg, plead or bargin him to do anything he doesn't want to do. Still with hard work and changing yourself you can force him to interact with you differently and possibly in a better way. Very little in life that is worthwhile is easy, so don't play the part of a victim. Take control of your life and do those things that you can to make your life better for you and your son.
Now getting a part time job is a great first step in GAL! However, GAL is much more than that. It involves making you a better and more interesting person. It involve you doing a make-over on you. Have you ever seen the TCL TV show what not to wear?
You may want to imagine you are in your husband's shoes and think about if you would be more interesting if you lost weight or got in better shape. One of the things you could do is figure out some physical activity to do with your son. This could be going to swim class together, jogging together (even if he was an infact they have jogging strollers), bicycling together two to four times a week.
Exercise is a great way to cut down on depression. A well thought out GAL physical activity with your son could even help him and help grow the bond between you and your son. A side benefit, might even be that when he is with his father, he will tell dad about the neat and interesting stuff his is doing with mom.
GAL is not just filling up your day with stuff, it is doing things that will change you and your situation for the better and make you a more interesting (and desirable) person to your H (or the next person in your life).
As to wondering why you are doing this. Well that is a question for you. You said you wanted to do it for your son and to make sure you can look at yourself in a mirror and said that you did everything you could to save the marriage. Those are really worthwhile goals. Children of divorced parents have a much harder chance of having a marriage that doesn't end in divorce. Divorce is one of the things that can eaily destroy a families finances and that in turn creates problems for the children of such families. Again, if you are only going to try Divorce Busting because its "easy" or you do it half-heartedly, your chance of success is much less. But what you do is your choice, just as what you H does is his choice.
Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do. As someone who has been close to divorce in a very long term marriage, I know that many of the DB principles work and work well when applied consistently for a long period of time. GAL that transforms you in a way that your spouse can not ignore can produce incredible results in they way they view you and interact with you. The same with consistently applied 180's.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.