I understand pulling back a bit to preserve your love. All of this can wear heavily on the heart and make it hardened against staying open. I go back and forth daily on this and I'm using your example to remind me that it's possible and important.
This:
"I was never going to see it until something traumatic happened to force me to see clearly"
really triggered something deep inside of me. I feel exactly the same way and I'm ashamed of it. How do you feel about it? I feel like I should have been less self-centered about my own resentment and pain before BD so I could see HIS pain and HIS resentment and perhaps save this M before it got so diseased.
H has even said, "why did it take my leaving for you to take me seriously?" I can only answer him with "I don't know". Shameful. I hate that about my behavior and actions. The reality is though that I felt he was apathetic and unwilling to make any changes. Little did I know his apathy was actually disdain and silent planning to leave.
How will I ever trust his silence again?
Keep it up, Card. You're rocking this DB thing, slowly and carefully. I'll continue to stay tuned.
