We recently moved out of state to allow W to pursue career and master's degree. Now that W is almost done with school, she is looking for jobs in her small and competitive field which has brought huge emotional swings up and down with each school/work/intern success and failure.
W had 3 week long EA/PA with coworker during out of town assignment, DDay was 3 weeks ago, at which time W says she has ended A (right after driving home from a work conference and OM's house which is out of state) but since she works in a small field, she cannot promise NC. She said she broke it off to figure out her future and her marriage and asked OM not to contact her, says he agreed but thinking back it seems like she left it open ended for herself to initiate. W is still pining after him each day and has admitted it has been hard not contacting him. She may see OM in a few weeks when on school related trip to give a presentation.
She says I deserve someone who can respect me and she can't give me what I need. I agree, but think she is saying this out of a PEA flooded alien brain.
During discovery I found a video (deleted) on our computer that W made of herself a few weeks before affair. She looked distraught and depressed after finding out her best friend got job she was pursuing. I think depression is part of what triggered A. I also work long hours during summer and W was alone at home working on papers during that time. She obsessed over the job she didn't get and had another job assignment/internship with different company at end of summer. The group works hard then parties hard.
W says she likes the new group better because she wants to party and feels like she got married too young. Feels trapped in marriage, although I have set few boundaries since I know she has a unique job field and I trusted her completely. Probably a big mistake in my part.
I've been through the roller coaster of emotions and made many newbie mistakes before finding this site: trying to be intimate, buying flowers, giving her massages, cheap forgiveness, not setting boundaries when W stays out with her friends (mostly men) until 3am or later, pursuing and texting/calling A LOT.
Found DB site last week and have been much better at not pursuing. W went out of town for training for weekend so I went on a road trip by myself to get away. Had a great time, visited fun new places, met new people. I've been hanging out with friends a lot, excersising and eating healthier. Trying to GAL. I see now that since moving for W's career, I have lost part of my identity and independence. In the past when I would meet new ppl I would talk about W and her successes, not myself.
We are Christians (W says she isn't anymore since A) and her parents have encouraged her to go to Christian MC. I asked for this also. She agreed to go to MC, but won't go to a Christian MC. Seems like she thinks Chrsitian MC won't see her side... We went to first MC session 2 weeks ago. Second session is today. Not sure if she will show up since I have stopped pursuing and stopped asking her plans. Not sure what she is doing anymore...
We're still living in same house and sleeping in same bed. She asked if I wanted to sleep in guest bedroom, I declined and said I don't think sleeping in same beds would help in long run if we reconcile marriage. She keeps a pillow in between us...
Right now her stance is she doesn't want to be married, doesn't want to reconcile, but has received numerous bits of advice from everyone she knows to not rush her decision. When I've asked what she wants, she tells me she really doesn't know. W has distanced herself from all friends and family who disagree with her actions.
I am white knuckling it each day, I appreciate any support and advice everyone!
UpperCut Me: 28 W: 25 Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home) S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15) No kids
