standing for me

[Ahoy]

I ordered the book from the library (they didn't have it on hand), so I feel as if I have at least accomplished that!

I guess there's no point in exploring H's LLs until he is ready to come around? (We are S and I'm in NC, so not many opportunities to fill tank, although I try to be unrelentingly positive when he does come around.) I can work on affirmation (one of his LL, I think), but I don't know about touch (one of his others). I don't feel right initiating physical contact with him because: 1. we haven't touched in months, 2. he creeps me out right now and I don't want to touch him, and 3. he did, after all, ask for his space.

Maybe I can just get by on affirmation for the time being.

Card, you are right -- I have to find a different driving route. Even though it wasn't intentional snooping, it had the same negative consequences for me. Now I see why no snooping is a good policy. Honestly, it's for my own sanity.

The one good thing to come from yesterday's mess was that D14 was able to open up to me, and now I see how much more I need to make her the focus of my efforts. Hence the library trip.

Thanks to you all for the encouragement. I'm starting to feel a bit better and redirected, but H is supposed to drop by later to pick up D14's things to take to his place, and I can feel the dread rising...