need to GAL

[hope224]

The past few months have been the busiest for me. Moving, visiting, working, etc. I didn't think grocery shopping could be stressful. haha.
But, I've been handling it pretty well. I think it is the mindframe I have now. I am always positive around my H. It is easier for me to treat him as a friend than a H. He talks/jokes about women sometimes and I have been better about not showing him my real reaction about it. I don't know what he wants to achieve by joking about it but i just go along with it. yesterday, I explained to him that he can try and get mad at me for no good reason but he doesnt need to anticipate my reaction because I dont want this to be a spiteful relationship. We still are intimate but after he went to get all the STD testing. I think he may be really confused. He is showing signs like slow_it_down 's H used to. I jokingly asked if he was bipolar and he said could be. He gets mad at me for no reason and then he is fine the next day. He tells me that i seem hopeful that the M will work out , and doesnt want to give me false hopes . I told him regardless of what we do, I know it wont change his mind on D and he doesnt need to worry. But then he says he doesnt want to be friends and just wants to talk about the baby, thats all. But, next day, he will say something else so we can see each other agai. I've noticed the pattern and I am hoping he will see that he needs professional help.

But, really, I think he himself is confused if the reasons he wants a divorce is valid and thats why he is trying to get some sort of negative reaction to his comments. But, I am way past that.
I havent had the chance to start working out but I am starting soon. As far as how ive been workin gon myself is by setting my mindframe right. Anything can happen, I just need to get my life together. Things he says doesnt bother me as much or make me cry as it used to... i just try not to believe anything he says, i spend a lot of time with the baby so i dont miss out on her milestones.