Need help. Scared, confused pt 2

[PeterV2]

Jefe, I had that problem 6 months ago when my WAW was in an active A. Sometimes only 2 hours of fitful sleep. I'd have a couple of glasses of wine and take 6 or 7 melatonin pills and read DR for a while then fall asleep only to wake up a couple hours later with all the A thoughts going through my head until morning.
It takes time but what's necessary is thought-stopping exercises, learning to detach as best as possible, and focusing on things in your life that are not in turmoil. And also pulling away from the WAW. I found that when I pulled away, noticeably, it would draw her in. Takes a couple of weeks but it's noticeable. However then I would get excited that thing are improving and blow it by putting pressure on her and pursuing which just drove her away again. It takes a lot of discipline and it's totally counterintuitive.

Make a plan. Here's mine for reference:

MY PLAN TO HAVE A GREAT LIFE

I am doing this to create a great life for myself. To be the best human being I can be. To be generous, loving, caring, compassionate, honest and open in all relationships with others. To be financially successful and independent, so I can share my wealth and life with those for whom I care.

1. Change myself:
- Learn to keep emotionally present at all times – aware of my emotions and urges
- Control my emotions and urges and think about the consequences of my words before I utter them
- Get out of debt & manage money better
- Learn to let go and let the process unfold by itself
- Be more generous, less selfish
- Listen better and hear better
- Slow down, stop rushing.
- Eat meals slowly savouring the experience.
- In personal affairs, be less persistent, let things happen in due course
- Understand where I failed to meet my partner’s needs in the past so as not to repeat those mistakes in the future
- Release the need to control people or the circumstances. The only thing I can control is myself and even that’s a challenge at times.

2. Be open to reconnect with my wife:
- Stick to the solution-based approach
- Listen to what she says every time she opens her mouth and reflect back for full understanding
- Validate her thoughts, even if I totally disagree. Just acknowledge what she says
- Give her space
- When she comes to me be kind, gentle and loving but firm and strong.
- Detach from the outcome

In doing all these things I must remain:
- Calm in my demeanor
- Constant in my actions
- Consistent in my actions
- Committed to the process

When in crisis, consult with this plan, not my feelings. Be patient. Let the process take its due course. Have faith that by sticking to this plan the goal will eventually be achieved.