Nitty in a Nutshell #2

[Nitty]

wmwb123 and HopeTex and Jefe and Shakspr and GGrass, I am still praying for you guys, too! Thank you so much for your prayers.

GGrass, in reading what your H had done in the past and recently, I understand exactly why you would have misgivings about taking him back.

And know, KNOW DEEP IN YOUR HEART, that I would go to war to be where you are right now. With a shot. An actual chance. Do not let fear stop you from doing what you know you must to put your marriage back together.

YES. Yes, yes, and quadruple YES. Shakspr, we were at the precipice, looking over the brink. So close to losing our marriage! And I was planning to keep working at saving us even if we did get D.

And now we have a chance without getting D... I must not blow it.

I've been feeling sort of guilty, knowing my marriage got plucked and tossed onto The Second Chance Pile while so many others are still being driven relentlessly to D, and yet I am still struggling, kind of whining about "it's so hard, Waah!"

Maybe I can just see it as being farther on the path than you guys, kind of alert you to what you can expect during reconciliation. Like... here's a newsflash: you guys are gonna be surprised at how resentful you can become!

OK. I am going to work HARD with this second chance. Even if I have doubts, I will keep at it. There is no turning back. There is only going forward. I've come too far to just quit. I WILL NOT QUIT.

I will only express my resentments here. And I've got to get my act together, make a list of what I need to feel safe in this reconciliation.

1) A transparency plan. YES.

2) Getting rid of all her CRAP THAT IS STILL IN OUR PROPERTY. I didn't realize how much hatred I've got for her. I'm praying for help to let that go. If I'm not hating him, why should I be hating her? If I know the other OWs, I probably won't hate them as much, because he LOVED this OW, and she tried to take what was mine. She slept in my bed.

3) I need more ideas. I need to research what makes other LBS feel safe again during reconciliation. Like, I want him to start wearing his ring again. Not that wearing a ring is a guarantee, but still.

I'm not sure a list of things is as important as rebuilding trust, because once trust is built, the list is unnecessary, right?