Well, I think I now know where things stand and it appears that one door of my life is coming to a close...
Very little communication with W this past weekend as she reverted back to just communicating with S15 on her plans/when she was picking the kids up. I got back from church Sun morning to find the kids not home. Sent W a text asking if she had them and asking why she hadn't been communicating with me. Received the following text:
'I love you, will always love you, but I need to take care of me. I hope we find our way back to each other eventually, but I need to make some changes for that to even be possible. I'm going to take a 6 mo lease and go from there. I feel forced to make this move...I tried to talk about this the other night but it didn't go over well.'
I apologized for the other night and just said I was taken off guard and wasn't sure how I felt about it at the time. Asked her if she wanted to stop by later to discuss, but she had book club. When I asked if she still wanted to go forward with our Thurs MC session or if this was her way of 'breaking up with me', I received no response. (that was my instant reaction. Wasn't til later that what she was telling me really sunk in). No response until later when she text saying she had 'told the kids about the possibility of getting apt..not fun..hard things to address...S15 has me in tears (he told her he wasn't going to stay with her during the week).' She told me she'd call me last night to discuss, but I never heard from her.
As sad as all of that makes me, I don't feel as devastated as I did at various times this past yr when we talked about being done. I still have plenty of questions about what comes next and what our interaction will be- are we taking a clean break? Continuing to date/MC?
On one hand, maybe it's a positive that she's going to take some time to work on herself (although 1 could argue she's had a full year to be doing that). With the changes I've made in myself and in my life, one of my biggest concerns was always that I didn't see her changes and would the 'new' Tarheel and the 'old' Mrs Tarheel be able to work it out. On the other hand, does the fact that she's planning on getting her own place and setting up her own bank account bring her one step closer to us going our separate ways for good...
