WAW still at home 12 weeks after asking for D

[labug]

Stop the mind-reading. There really is no manual on affairs, there might be similarities but you can't depend on any of that.

What does all that have to do with your children and what you know about OM? You say neither of them can move but they are in a R, right? So they see each other, right? And will now most likely see each other more now.

[bdub]

2x4 firmly received...

Other than exposing the boys to him, it really is none of my business. It sounds strange to say that since we are married still, but its true.

The good news is that S13 soccer team (7th and 8th graders) played the JV high school team last night and only lost 1-0. It was awesome to see them on that big field, music blaring, lights shining and all the fans.

[bdub]

Thank you to everyone that posted on my thread, and helped me along my journey.
The last few days have been a turning point in my life. I have reached the point where I have decided I am no longer willing to stand for my M.
Our D is not official as of yet, but our routine is set and I am getting my boys over half the time and we are adjusting well.
It has become VERY clear to me that I was in love with being married, not in love with my wife.
I hope everyone finds the peace and tranquility that I have found in the past few days.
I hate that I have given up on the past 17 years, but I have done all that I can considering the W has checked out completely. We (the boys and I) have a great support system in place and the transition has gone smooth and finally brought peace to my life.

[Hoju]

I'm sorry to hear that bdub, can't say I blame you though, there is only so much abuse one can take before throwing in the towel. I wish you and your boys all the best in the future with what ever it may bring for you.

[Ahoy]

bdub, I hope your feeling of peace and acceptance continues. I can't blame you either -- in many ways I feel like clarity -- even if it means finality -- would be a welcome change. You sound strong. Keep advocating for yourself and the boys.

I too was in love with being married. Now I aspire to be in love with just being accountable to myself (and daughter).
Best of luck to you in your journey.

[SunnyB]

Bdub, good luck to you! Keep us updated.

[Ahoy]

bdub, I had posted on your thread above one day before my H admitted OW. It's funny how much can change in a few days. I'm finding the clarity that you now have, and find myself letting go. When I do get emotional, it's still about the idea of marriage, what might have been possible, and the illusion of who he was that drives those emotions. When I look at the situation clearly, it's hard to understand why anyone would put up with such nonsense.

I'm not dismissing DB, but I'm seeing that in order to truly DB, you have to truly detach, and giving up and moving on is definitely detachment. The point of DB is also to save ourselves, with or without spouse. I'm planning to put all my energy in that direction.

Thanks for all your support.

[bdub]

Ahoy,
Initially I started DB to save my M. Making myself better, GAL, 180, detaching, everything helped me heal some deep wounds. If it were not for the books and this forum I would have not made it through 13 weeks of hell. I would have blown up and ruined what is going to be an amicable, and for me, financially sound, split.
The night before she moved she was in a rage and slamming doors and she 2 hand shoved me in the chest. Had I not been DBing along the way I would have let that effect me and probably retaliated on some way. Because I didnt escalate the situation she calmed down after a few days and we are back to somewhat amicable terms.

If ever any of my friends are going through the D process I will certainly reccomend DB.

[bdub]

I shouldn't mind read like this, but looking back at your thread and your post here, you were almost ready to let go before finding out about OW.
Stay strong and dont make any rash decisions. Be sure you are making the right choice.

[Ahoy]

I was ready to drop the rope earlier because I knew he was lying to me about OW, and honestly, I don't want a partner who is a liar. Call me rigid, but that's the truth. Still, I would be willing to try to reconcile and see what is possible, even so. But that process takes two, and he is not participating. Instead I am focusing on having an amicable split, as you are. My H is very irresponsible financially and also has dropped me from his health insurance for next year, so being legally divided from him will actually give me peace of mind, since I'm pretty much on my own anyway and don't want to be liable for his poor choices.

I know things change in time, so I can't say that I wouldn't ever consider reconnecting with him down the line, but right now I'm really not interested.

I hope you keep feeling strong and good, bdub. You deserve awesomeness.